Never YOUR Intention

Oh Lord as I cast my eye upon the world
I see such sorrow, loneliness, pain, devastation
and it makes my heart ache because I know
this was NEVER Your intention

You made for us a garden, glorious with
amazing plants, flowers, flowing water, animals,
smells, sounds, manifold delights
just so we could experience Your abundant goodness

You created the sunrise and starry night sky
tall trees for shade, the cool of the day
us for You and woman for man
and these, You said, were good. Very good.

In the midst of the wonderful work of Your hands
You placed Your beloved Adam and Eve in You gave them free will:
One tree amongst perhaps one million others
You warned that in eating it, they would surely die.

You surrounded them with plentiful options
for food, for enjoyment, for life, for forever
yet, their curious and deceived hands reached for the one thing they were not to have
and they, husband and wife, left the callings Your hands had placed upon their lives

The woman left the leadership of her loving husband
The man followed and did not protect his precious wife
they ate of the forbidden fruit
sin entered the world and Your heart broke.

It was NEVER Your intention
to take them away from this paradise where they walked and talked with You so freely
yet because You were gracious, merciful and forgiving
You took them out of the garden of Eden and blocked the way back

Your loving hands closed the door to a place
that would forever keep Your treasure (Your created people) separate from You
It was NEVER Your intention for us to die
but it was NEEDED to secure the possibility of LIFE with YOU afterwards.

Through one man, sin entered the world
and now all we see is fallen. Now all we do is fallen
We cry tears You never wanted to have to wipe away
but one day You will and that is Your promise to us

You sent Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ
to become the perfect atonement for our sin
the wrongs had to be made right once and for all
and this was ALWAYS Your intention: reconciliation with You

Thus, through ONE MAN, fully God and man
You made a way of redemption and forgiveness of sin
There is none good, no not one
we fool ourselves daily thinking we can pivot over the chasm our sin created between us and You.

Wearily we make ladders, ropes and the like
to try to find the way back to You
when all the while right next to us lay a bridge to simply walk across: JESUS CHRIST, MESSIAH.
He's a bridge of surrender, faith and trust in You. It's a bridge we must CHOOSE and in not choosing, we reject.

Some angrily refuse this bridge because they see the effects of sin in the world and blame You. As if You made those things
They say, "How can a loving God allow suffering?"
and they stubbornly and pridefully turn their backs on Jesus Christ who suffered for their sake.

Within each of us lay heavenly longings
suffocated by the sin we pursue in attempts to fulfill our lives
We cram in all of what we think will satisfy
the great void our fallen human nature is known for

Oh hardened heart, did you not know that this emptiness
was NEVER His intention for your life?
Oh broken hearted, do you not know it is the Father's good pleasure
to reveal Himself to you as ALL YOU NEED?

Let the walls come down and the people rejoice!
Let the tears flow like water in repentance over selfishness
Let shattered lives be built upon SOUND foundation which never teeters not totters
Let the hands which tremble now with fear be lifted high to GOD in confidence!

For it was NEVER Your intention for us to experience the woes this life has to offer
Yet is was ALWAYS Your intention to make us WHOLE
To give us hearts of flesh instead of stone
To pour out Your love onto our lives and shed Your light abroad in our hearts;
hearts which respond to You in love
It was ALWAYS Your intention to give us HOPE and PEACE.

Oh weary, broken, lost, forsaken, lonely, fearful, hopeless, stubborn, selfish, angry... Come to Jesus. Let the thirst you have be forever quenched by streams of living water. Let the hunger you have be forever satiated by the body that was broken for you. Let the blood which was shed at Calvary wash away your sins once and for all. Let the mighty power of the cross have it's perfect way in your life. You can walk a thousand miles away from Jesus but it just takes one step back toward Him and He will come running. He would leave the 99 to come after one. That's how valuable and precious you are in His sight. TODAY is the day of salvation.

I Want to do Great Things for YOU

So much has been going on in life recently. So many wonderful things that keep me in awe of the Lord and keep me wondering what He has for my life... His main purpose for me here on this earth. Here's a little poem I just wrote. Hope you are encouraged.

What are we that YOU would
pour out YOUR Spirit
and ignite our hearts for the lost?

Why would YOU chose the
feeble and weary to display YOUR character?
Did you count the cost?

My human ways of thinking
Can't grasp the purpose or effectiveness
Of YOU using even me

YOU could send a million angels
YOU could use absolutely anything
but there's something else YOU see

It's not my worth or my achievements
Nothing I have gained or proven
but YOUR Son's glory shining through my heart

YOU see the finished work of the cross
It has satisfied YOUR wrath
You see me seated in the heavenlies, YOUR perfected work of art

My eyes want to look out
and see the things YOU know
to view YOUR children as complete

To encourage YOUR people
toward their calling
and point them to YOUR love when they struggle with defeat

It's a wonder and amazement
the vision YOU have placed in my mind;
the burden which lay in my chest

YOU'RE the only source of strength
for the work YOU want to do
so I lay all I am and have before YOUR feet: my meager sacrifice at best.

The Heavens Declare Your Majesty

Here's a poem I wrote on Thursday. I came home and laid on my car looking up at the night sky and realized it had been SO LONG since I took some time to slow down and enjoy God's creatiom and allow Him to speak to my heart. May you be reminded of the Lord's amazing love.

Beneath the darkened sky
my heart, it beats out a rhythm
only You can hear

Twinkling expanse is overhead
and You know the sense of
awe within me

Each star it sparkles as if
to greet me and draw me upwards
into a galaxy of wonder

As I lay here,
this midnight blackish blue
displays itself in fuller dimension

Deeper gazing, deeper seeking
I try to gather more than I can see
blinking becomes a hindrance and
my eyes get dry from peering

Oh, and just to think:
all of this is such a far cry from what initially was purposed
simply for my delight and enjoyment

This gorgeous scene
these glittery dancing dots
imperfect, fallen, not all they once were

I let out a breath long and slow
until my lungs are empty
the silence is almost deafening

Glancing north, south, east and west
under this endless canopy

Oh, to behold YOUR beauty
to touch YOUR majesty
to embrace the Bright and Shining Morning Star

My heart cries out with longing
a deep, deep longing
as deep as this starry night
perhaps even deeper

Oh, for heaven- YOUR kingdom come
the eternal hope glimmers

There Will Never Be a Greater Love

Adios augosto, hola septiembre!!

"Repentance is as much a mark of a Christian as faith itself. Do not think we have done with repenting when we come to Christ and receive the remission of our sins by the blood that did once atone. No; we shall repent as long as we sin, and as long as we need the precious blood for cleansing. While there is sin, or a proneness to any kind of sin, lurking in us, the grace of God will make us loathe the sin and humble ourselves before the Most High on account of it."- Charles Spurgeon

I'd like to meet Charles Spurgeon and have a whole day devoted to sitting and asking him all about life. Maybe some coffee would be involved too.

He Who Waters Will Himself Be Watered

A few things the Lord is ministering into my heart
Proverbs 11:25

"We are here taught the great lesson, that to get, we must give; that to accumulate, we must scatter; that to make ourselves happy , we must make others happy; and that in order to become spiritually vigorous, we must seek the spiritual good of others. In watering others, we are ourselves watered. HOW? Our efforts to be useful, bring out our powers for usefulness. We have latent talents and dormant faculties, which are brought to light by exercise. Our strength for labour is hidden even from ourselves, until we venture forth to fight the Lord's battles, or to climb the mountains of difficulty. We do not know what tender sympathies we possess until we try to dry the widow's tears, and soothe the orphan's grief. We often find in attempting to teach others, that we gain instruction for ourselves. Oh, what gracious lessons some of us have learned at sick beds! We went to teach the Scriptures, we came away blushing that we knew so little of them. In our converse with poor saints, we are taught the way of God more perfectly for ourselves and get a deeper insight into divine truth. So that watering others makes us humble. We discover how much grace there is where we had not looked for it; and how much the poor saint may outstrip us in knowledge. Our own comfort is also increased by our working for others. We endeavour to cheer them, and the consolation gladdens our own heart. Like the two men in the snow; one chafed the other's limbs to keep him from dying, and in so doing kept his own blood in circulation, and saved his own life. The poor widow of Sarepta gave from her scanty store a supply for the prophet's wants, and from that day she never again knew what want was. Give then, and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, and running over."-Charles Spuregon

2 Corinthians says:

He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly. He who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each must do as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion. God loves a cheerful giver. God is ABLE to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed........ He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in everything for all liberality (generosity), which through us is producing thanksgiving to God. For the ministry of this service is not only for fully supplying the needs of the saints but also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God. Because of the proof given by this ministry, they will glorify God for your obendience to the saints, your confession of the gospel of Christ and for the liberality (generosity) of your contribution to them all, while they also, by prayer on your behalf, yearn for you because of the surpassing GRACE of God in you. Thanks be to GOD for His INDESCRIBABLE gift. (2 Cor 9:6-15)

And it must also be said as the Lord declared to Zerubbabel in Zechariah 4:6-7:

"Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit," says the Lord of hosts. "What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of 'Grace, grace to it!'"

The Best Thing at 5:30AM

This weekend my rooommate and I are housing all of the high school girls attending a local festival for the weekend. I went to bed before they all came back last night because I still have to work this morning so I missed out on seeing who we're housing, hellos and hugs.

Anyway, so as not to wake any of the girls up, I put the coffee pot in my bathroom last night because when the timer goes off it beeps SUPER loud (great idea from the creative roomie). However, I still had to get a mug and coffee creamer from the kitchen. So, I tiptoed out as quietly as any creaky 23 year old can (which for me in the early morning means "snap crackle pop" of most of my joints in the lower half of me... is this normal???) and got my coffee, creamer and spoon. As I turned around to head back to my room one of the high school girls briefly woke up, hair all over her face, put her arm out to wave and I think hug soI got down on the ground and gave her a big hug. :)

I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew bigger than the thingie in the cartoon that was used to compare his once itsy bitsy heart to a "normal healthy" sized heart. That was about the best thing that I can say has ever happened to me at 5:30 in the morning.

Lately, I have been realizing that serving the Lord in ministry is a full time thing. It's not like I go help out with the high schoolers on a Friday night or Sunday morning and when I'm done punch out and totally check out for the rest of my week. I am invested in these students (mainly the girls') lives and it's something that requires round the clock prayer and just overall willingness to be there for them.

When I look at the ministry from a distance, it is so easy for me to become overwhelmed and ask myself why in the heck I would do any of what I do when I could be doing so many other things? Especially when I have had a long week and am just drained with nothing left to offer anyone. But, I'm always so gently put in my place by God. When Saturdays come around I am always so blessed by the students, their love for each other and just being able to share life with them each Friday night.

Fridays are often like this prior to youth group: like I look ahead and see what's coming and start freaking out like I'm going to be hit by an avalanche and there is no possible way I can bear it or escape it. All I can do is look at this enormous mass headed straight my way. But I still go because I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the ministry God has hand selected for me... or me for it.... And when I walk away EVERY Friday night from the ministry I see that as the "avalanche" got closer, it was actually a cool spring of water washing over me and rinsing away junk of the week, clearing the gunk out of my eyes to see the high schoolers much better and refreshing me for the weekend. So I get pretty humbled out because of the condition my silly heart is usually in by the time I get home on Fridays.

Even still, pretty much like clock work every couple weeks I experience somewhat of the same thing. And it's because I'm human. As a human, I love myself more than anyone else and am super selfish and self centered and would love to do everything my little heart desires and say "it's because I can". Yet, I have been called away from all of that and have died to it because I have been baptised into the DEATH and RESURRECTION of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

So DAILY I must "take up my cross, deny myself and follow after Jesus" (Luke 9:23). And DAILY sometimes frequently throughout the day I MUST REMEMBER the promise Jesus gave: that there is no one who has left everything and sacrifcied it all for the sake of the kingdom of God who will not receieve many times more at this time and in the age to come, ETERNAL LIFE. (Luke 18:29-30).

I told myself after getting back from Belize that I was going to take a weekend all for myself because this festival was going on and it didn't require me. Then I found out my roommate and I were asked to house the girls. Merely because it's a convenient blessing for the girls to stay because we live so close to the festival. Not to mention, the high school pastor is my neighbor and he is housing the boys. So, they can all meet up together, have breakfast and walk to the festival as one big group. They are getting some AMAZING bonding time in. PLUS, what a way to end the summer!

Well, I have an amazing roommate who was in youth ministry as a counselor for almost 10 years a little while back and she is wired for hospitality. Thus, my role in this entire weekend is pretty much zero minus hanging out with the girls and enjoying their company when they are here. So my role is pretty much negative. Haha.

God's so gracious is all I can say. He sees my often stubborn and stoney heart and gives me something like this 5:30 AM hug from one of the high schooler, even though she is barely awake (a girl, who in Belize had the HARDEST time waking up) and He melts me. I am reminded how BLESSED I am to be in the ministry. How AMAZING it is that God would take a wretched sinner like myself, save me by HIS grace, change my life and restore me so that I am able to be USED by Him to influence these young girls in a godly way! How UNDESERVING I am that He would allow me to parttake of the JOY this ministry really is: being invited into these young girls' lives at a time when they are making life shaping decisions. My heart is SO for them when I push past my stinky self. They are my very heart beat when I realize that my life is NOT ABOUT ME, but it's about serving others.

And the truth remains: Whoever seeks to keep his life willl lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Luke 17:33.

What a wake up call this morning.