All Things Lovely

Who God Is

2011-08-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

It has been nearly FOREVER. A lot going on and this is all but this is all I have to share. As if it were something small

I've been hanging around psalm 142-146 this past week and decided it's time to really study the word again. Index cards with highlighted words that stick out. I want to memorize and tell myself again and again and again who God is.

Here are my notes

Psalm 144
The LORD
MY ROCK
STEADFAST LOVE
LOVINGKINDESS
FORTRESS
STRONGHOLD
DELIVERER
SHIELD
REFUGE
Psalm 144:15 blessed are the people whose God is the LORD

Psalm145:8-9
The LORD
GRACIOUS
MERCIFUL
FULL OF COMPASSION
SLOW TO ANGER
ABOUNDING IN STEADFAST LOVE
GREAT IN MERCY
GOOD TO ALL
COVERS ALL HE HAS MADE WITH MERCY
HIS TENDER MERCIES ARE OVER ALL HIS WORKS

Psalm 145:13-14
The LORD
ETERNAL
EVERLASTING
UPHOLDS
SUSTAINS
RAISES UP
Gods hands are only full of goodness for His beloved v:15-16

Psalm 145:17-20
The LORD
RIGHTEOUS IN ALL HIS WAYS
KIND IN ALL HIS WORKS
GRACIOUS IN ALL HIS WORKS
NEAR TO ALL WHO CALL ON HIM IN TRUTH
FULFILLS THE DESIRE OF THOSE WHO FEAR HIM
HEARS THE CRY OF THOSE WHO FEAR HIM
SAVES THOSE WHO FEAR HIM
KEEPS AND PRESERVES THOSE WHO LOVE HIM

Promises

2011-07-12T08:44:00.000-07:00

I was listening to one of my favorite pastors Philip De Courcy last night. Currently he is going through a teaching on marriage and God's design of it to be a covenant rather than a contract. http://www.ktt.org/before-you-say-i-don't
Anyways he said something that I can't quote word for word but what I remember it to be is just do good I want to share.

When someone makes a promise they are making one thing certain in an uncertain future.

I am not sure if I have considered this before but what freedom this brings to a recipient of a promise. God is the only one who can help us keep the promises we make. I am so thankful HE desires to come to our aid. He is the ultimate keeper of promises.

The Name of the Lord

2011-06-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book right now that talks about spiritual warfare. The bible says in Ephesians 6 that as followers and lovers of Jesus Christ, there is a realm we cannot see with our eyes which is real, opposed to God and very dark. These are the powers we as believers wrestle against, for we do not wrestle against flesh and blood. We are told to put on the full armor of God in order to withstand the attacks from the enemy. Other places in scripture we are warned to be alert and sober-minded because we have an adversary who prowls about seeking whom he may devour.

There are many extreme beliefs when it comes to these things. "Spiritual Warfare Sideways- Keeping the Focus on Jesus" by Guy Chevreau explains a biblical approach to understanding spiritual warfare is to understand that there is a very real very dark and very powerful realm that hates Jesus Christ and hates those who love, serve, glorify and belong to Him. However, the truth of that realm is to remain in our peripheral vision while our eyes are FIXED upon Jesus. Jesus is no match for Satan. They are not opposites. Satan is a fraud and has no place or authority in comparison to Jesus Christ who was and is and is to come. I highly recommend the book because it is straight forward, Chevreau is fun to read and it's important to know what scripture says about these things. We are in a battle.

Anyways, all that to say is as I was reading chapter 3 yesterday and Chevreau talks about the names and titles of Satan and the names and titles of the Lord God in the bible which I will share at a later date. I was greatly bolstered in the POWER of Jesus' name because there is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved. If we only had a tiny understanding of who God truly is and His amazing heart for mankind, we would be knocked speechless and dumbfounded. I glory in that!

A friend last night shared a devotional with me from David McGee, a pastor I like to listen to (check out www.aboutthebridge.com) that flowed right along with the different names of the Lord throughout scripture so I couldn't skip sharing these points from it now.
"All of your pain and all of your sorrows- take them to JEHOVAH RAPHA, the LORD who heals you. All of your worries and anxiety- take them to JEHOVAH SHALOM, the LORD of peace. All of your insufficiency and all of your lacking- take them to EL SHADDAI, the all sufficient one. When you are fearful of what the world holds, go to JEHOVAH NISSI, the LORD is my banner. When you are lonely and all alone- know JEHOVAH SHAMMAH, the LORD is there. When you are wandering and lost, wait for JEHOVAH RAAH, the LORD my shepherd. When you stumble or fall go to JEHOVAH M'KADDESH, the LORD who makes you holy. Who are these? These are ONE, ELOHIM, GOD-- the Creator and Keeper of Covenants. The One who says, 'and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.'(Matthew 28:20) Your Heavenly Father loves you and will never leave or abandon you."

PROVERBS 18:10 -The NAME OF THE LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.

I pray you have been encouraged :)

Thank YOU

2011-06-03T07:47:00.000-07:00

There's so much I can thank You for

If I stop and just think back

But it seems as if at times

Complaining comes easier

Lord- YOU are so patient!

To think that You willingly wait

for me to acknowledge how wonderful You really are,

How magnificent,

How loving

There are moments when You hide me in the cleft of Your rock

to see a glimpse of Your glory pass by

It's then I recognize

I've barely even scratched the surface of WHO You really are

and how much You really care about the

intricate details of my life

Lord- YOU are amazing!
I will give thanks to You forever

But for now You wait

You endure and You are longsuffering

to all my selfish short-sightedness

and discontent

Simply because You love me

And for some reason You have decided that I am

worth the wait

You- Oh Lord are

Unfathomable

Unmeasurable

I am astonished by You

Gaining You is WORTH it

2011-06-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

Though life's deepest sorrows may

last through the night

Your Word says: joy comes in the morning

But sometimes life is a season of nights

or days turned pitch black

without warning

Where grassy fields once

rolled across hills

A fractured earth is the scene

Or the rain comes down so steady and heavy

one can't see beyond

the gray to the green

Eyes strain in the darkness

which cloaks every day

Only a candlelit glow and shadows guiding

In all of these things we're to trust You are there

and that the path we travel

is the one You're providing

We cling to Your truth:

we can't walk by our sight

and there's great reward in endurance

Yet, even the strongest
most secure in Your love
must rely on Your Word's reassurance

That surely goodness and mercy
will follow us
all the days that we live here

And even if goodness and mercy
seem to be lacking when we look up
You have told us not to fear

Only to remember the great things
You've already done
and to thank You for who You are

To consider the cross- the sorrow You faced
and the great price You paid
to ransom our hearts

When we think upon these
and our future in heaven
and trust that You're always the same

We can count it ALL joy
be it gladness or tears
we can live for Your glory, Your fame

And like crisp cool air
refreshing our lungs
after rain pours for the sky

You renew us and fill us
You give us new purpose
and hope that we cannot deny

You're the Sunrise, our illumination
You warm us as we turn to
face Your light

And now we KNOW with firmer
understanding:
gaining YOU is worth enduring any night

Treasure

2011-05-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord, Your Word is my treasure trove

I seek to find You there

For in the depths of what I read

Your loving voice I hear

As wisdom calls, my ear takes note

And deep calls out to deep

Mysteries are manifold

I drive the shovel

And hold what I can keep

It's by Your Spirit's ability that I can even comprehend

Because You are majestic and Your glory has no end

Still You want to reveal to me

Puzzle pieces of Your heart

I'm discovering who I am

As I discover who You are

I thank You

I love You

I place nothing, no one above You

Beside Myself to God.

2011-04-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

Today one of my dearest friends wrote a poem about me and who I am. It blessed me to the highest degree to think God put it on this person's heart to share with me some precious words. God's love for me is so amazing. It caused me to run to the Lord in thankfulness and I spent a good long time just praising God for the good God He is.

Today, Easter and Resurrection Sunday, I celebrate the fact that I worship a God who is alive and available to me in every way. He, Jesus Christ, died for my sin and defeated death upon the cross when He rose three days later. I am so thankful for God's grace. I deserved judgment but He pardoned me according to the faith I have by the grace of God in His Son Jesus Christ. The same God extends His mercy and love to you today.

In my time of worship before God I was thinking back on my life and how amazing God truly is. This poem is what resulted from that time. Hope you enjoy reading.

A broken hearted little girl

Scared and all alone

Wondering if a searching eye

Could her make feel at home

Waiting for a hero

To come and save the day

But years dragged on

And so did pain that wouldn’t go away

Quiet tears behind closed doors

Muffled groans in bed

Staring out the window

Wishing for another’s life instead

Defeat came with the sunrise

There was no brand new day

Rejection was the norm

Her hopes crumbled as brittle clay

Without realizing at all

Her heart became encased

Inside a locket made of steel

No one would ever brake

And even though this shield

Closed off so many people

There was a tiny opening

Just the size of a keyhole

A liar and a robber began to dangle a key

She figured would be right

So she opened up and gave her heart

Though she had a sense of fright

He never tried the key he had

He never needed to

Because she didn’t understand

Her heart had any value

The false man took her dignity

He stole away her dreams

And left her wounded on the floor

Ripped apart at the seams

Not knowing where else she could go

She ran to the first open arms

And sadly there she came up empty

Again she had been harmed

She knew she could no longer

Protect her broken heart

She fell into the arms of LOVE
and slowly fell apart

He broke her down to build her up

He healed her deep within

And there was still a greater work

That was yet to begin

He became her Father

He taught her who she was meant to be

He was the One and only man

Who held the proper key

He asked her to let Him turn the lock and open up the door

But she feared what He would find there

Would He love her anymore?

Behind that door so many years

Of pain and dirty deeds

Even hardened parts

And thorns that choked like weeds

For years He asked

He didn’t push at all

It took her quite some time

To heed His call

Inviting Him she let Him in

He opened by unlocking

This gentle way unknown to her

Was new and was quite shocking

There was no rattle of the handle

Just a simple turn

There was no banging at the door

No anger to discern

He looked around into her heart

His eyes were filled with care

And tenderly He undid chains

She didn’t know where there

He Himself shone light into

Every darkened cranny and nook

He told her that there really was nothing anyone ever took

Because His love was all she needed

In Him she was complete

Nothing she had ever done

Could forever bring her to defeat

Because upon a wooden cross before she made the choice

He died and bled for all her sin He cried out with His voice

That she would be forgiven because she didn’t know what she did

He took her place He took her shame so that she could live

He paid a price so high for her

Exceeding any treasure on earth

This was who she was to Him

This defined her worth

And now she stands in victory

Her heart has been redeemed

She is a new creation

She was won over by the King

The One who took her yesterdays

and turned them all around

Was the One who knew her as a little girl

Afraid to look up from the ground

Beaming brightly from the inside out

There is so much in store

He has given her life purpose

And In freedom she will soar

Isaiah 58

2011-04-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

I've always loved Isaiah 58, a section of scripture that explains fasting and what it ought to be in God's sight. This morning I was reading Isaiah 53 (all prophecy regarding Jesus Christ as Messiah) and saw some notes in the margin of my bible from the end of February hugging Isaiah 58.

In this section of scripture I noted two things:

My responsibility to obey God's Word (what that looks like according to this scripture)
Results of my obedience to God's Word (specifically in this scripture)

Isaiah 58: 9, 10, 13
My Responsibility: Selflessness and self-denial

Remove the yoke from my midst-- that which keeps me bound and burdened unnecessarily
Remove the pointing and blaming finger-- stop blaming others and looking at their faults
Remove the speaking of wickedness-- stop talking about things that aren't encouraging
Give myself to the hungry-- serve others who have needs to help get eyes off self
Satisfy the desire of the afflicted-- look for ways to bless those who are hurting
Turn from doing my own pleasure-- get away from selfishness
Desist from my own ways-- stop my own ways
Desist from seeking my own pleasure-- stop finding ways to please myself

Isaiah 58: 10-12, 14
Results of Obedience: True joy and fulfillment

Light will rise in darkness and gloom will be like midday-- the heavy and burdensome things in life will be lighter
God will continually guide me
God will continually satisfy my desire in scorched places-- in places of hopelessness, places that seem dead God will keep satisfying me with Himself
God will give strength to my bones-- a deep inner strength from God Himself
I will be like a watered garden bearing fruit-- my life will be refreshing to others and I will have something to offer/bless people with
I will take delight in the Lord-- the true source of satisfaction and joy
I will ride on new heights of the earth and be fed with the heritage of Jacob--the heritage of Jacob is noted in Jeremiah 10:16 the portion of Jacob is not like these (idols-false gods); for the Maker of all is He, and Israel is the tribe of His inheritance; the Lord of hosts is His name. The heritage of Jacob is God Himself. When I obey God's Word, I am blessed with a deeper relationship with my God. Jesus said something similar about abiding or remaining in Him in John 15. It's like getting to know your best friend better just by spending time with them and growing with them.

Forgive Wistful Me

2011-04-09T23:40:00.000-07:00

Oh God forgive me for all this

Wishing life to be other than what it is

For hopes often placed in the wrong things

The moments I find myself pining for what is not

And losing sight of all that is

Oh God forgive me for drifting into sadness

When I truly ought to praise You for Your mercy

I thank You, trusting that You have spared me more than I know

Forgive me Lord for my days of discontent

There is great comfort in knowing You understand my frailty

There is grace enough for me

There always has been and always willl be

You know my path when my heart is overwhelmed

While I long to be over this hurdle

While I yearn to remember without feeling like my guts have sunken to my feet

and my heart is drowning

I'm thankful my tears are in Your bottle

My prayers: a sweet aroma You treasure

The process is where You want me

And so I yield to You God

I don't need to be strong anymore

I know I can crumble to pieces in Your arms

I can boast in my weakness

I can lay myself out at Your feet

Knowing Your strength is being made perfect in me

Thank You for loving me enough to interrupt my life

my plans, my hopes and my dreams

All glory and all praise belong to You

The only wise God

Thank You for knowing the beginning from the end

One day I will look back and see with greater perspective

Just how much You have carried me through

I will wait for You to form these eyes

I will wait upon You

Yes more than those who wait for the morning

City Adventures- Week 2 part 2!

2011-04-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

that's my favorite grass in the background :)

I think Kelly was drooling.... hehe

Overcoming my fear of grates!!!

Take one...

City Adventures- Week 2 part 1!

2011-04-05T22:15:00.000-07:00

So for the second weekend in a row I made it to San Francisco with a few different friends who happened to be going. Their goal was to explore the city and walk around all day while one of them went to the Wondercom convention (which I learned is a comic book convention...so quirky!) The day was beautiful and a great subject for much photography fun! ENJOY! I sure did. We walked over 10 miles!!! And I got us "lost".. But I sure was confident :)

Sunrise on the way to San Fran

City Mushrooms =)

A cool place that does "wine by night and coffee by day" but the coffee wasn't great... it was pretty bad.

Thus, wine by night.

I love the Mark Hopkins Intercontinental!

So the two ladies on either side of this fountain make the picture worthwhile. They were both stretching and working out, all I could hear in my head was Olivia Newton John singing "Let's get physical! Physical!"

I heart Bekka and Kelly!

Breakfast.

The more and more I visit San Francisco, bits and pieces of my heart stay there. I love the city and all the fun people to see and meet and hopefully talk to

I like this.

These guys sounded great

These guys were very hippie

This man encompasses much of the culture I want to capture

PRETTY JELLO!

Holding up the bridge.

Wonder Woman!

Quotations... When I am all out of my own.

2011-04-03T21:31:00.000-07:00

"Success seems to be connected with action.

Successful people keep moving.

They make mistakes but don't quit."

Conrad Hilton

So I have no idea who Conrad Hilton is or where this quote came from but I love it and it is applicable to my life right now.

And in the words of one of my favorite people, "Onward Christian soldier!" -Roger Scalice (who was probably quoting someone else)

Pressing On by Scott Cunningham

This one thing I do: forgetting what's behind to follow You

Reaching forward

Counting all things loss

For knowing You Oh Lord

Oh-- Lord, I am reaching

Toward, toward the goal of knowing You

As I, I lay hold of all You are

Forgetting what's behind

I'm pressing on

Forgetting what's behind

I am pressing on

No more wasted time on empty things that

Rob me from the life of faith I'm living

Running for the prize of knowing You Oh Lord

Oh-- Lord, I am reaching

Toward, toward the goal of knowing You

As I, I lay hold of all You are

Forgetting what's behind

I'm pressing on

Forgetting what's behind

I'm pressing on to YOU

Loosen Your Grip

2011-04-01T12:26:00.001-07:00

Hold loosely to the things you love in this world. Nothing lasts forever. Everything fades.

Cling to Jesus. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Sweet Friend-trips!

2011-03-28T21:27:00.000-07:00

I spent this past Sunday and Monday in San Francisco with one of my dearest sweetest friends Sonia. Sonia is an outright amazing woman of the Lord. She was my mentor when I began attending youth group at 14 years old and was a prayer warrior over my life in my years of rebellion against God and His beautiful plans for me.
When I had started softening my heart to God almost 6 years later, Sonia was right by my side. Shortly after we reconnected, she moved across the country and was soon diagnosed with cancer. God healed her from terminal cancer which had spread throughout her body and she is a living and walking and breathing testimony of God's grace, joy and love. Everywhere she goes she wants to share the love of Jesus Christ who saved her life. It's humbling and it's inspiring.
We had SUCH a sweet time together.

Commence road trip

WHOA! iPhone flip camera. oooOooh

Yay!

Mmmmm. Keep that doctor away!

Ooh lala Hilton!

I can hear Stevie Wonder..... "Isn't she lovely?!"

hehe

this mirror became the favorite spot to catch out upwards trolley to the room

Jump shot!

I call this one.."SPLAT"

In the upwards trolley

room window

Don't look down!

Add caption

Don't lean back too far!

It was time for a pint... but we didn't take the time ;)

It was actually time for Chipotle and I took the photo while eating lunch

around the citay

Lady Gaga glasses

Sonia totally rocks these

my poker face

Ridiculously expensive and indulgent chocolate

Don't they look amazing???

they are.....

Very cool drum/percussion street performer doing a medley of really good beats and songs

Capture the moment ;)

I was trying so hard to get this guy all inconspicuously. I love this photo

How many people actually look up at the sky in the city?

Every single plant you see here is real.

It was incredible

Love hydrangeas

my FAVE FAVE FAVORITE pic of Sonia from the whole trip!! She's so beautiful!

me "waiting" for dinner

I look crazy with crap in my teeth.. All these photos sum it up, I'm just odd

Night view from room window

morning view. GORGEOUS DAY!

Union Street. HAUTE!

I love French bakeries.. They make me feel like I am somehow more connected to my French heritage!

We l<3ve parisols!

so cute :)

Inside zee frayench baykayrhee!

It's so rustic and cool

makes me wanna bake and make a storage unit decorated with pasta!

I was here.

so were my beautiful shoes!!!

This shot is downright awesome. It's all in her pose

Voila! C'est Sonia et moi!
Aurevoir!

Tomorrow...

2011-03-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

Proverb 16: 1
The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord

Proverb 16:9
The mind of a man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.

Proverb 27:1
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth

Matthew 6:34
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

James 4:13-16
Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit." You you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also to this and that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

A friend once told me, "Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is in the hands of God. Don't let either distract you from today." How often we lose sight of today by waiting for tomorrow. No one knows if tomorrow will come for them. Why waste energy on what is not guaranteed??

JOY

2011-03-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

I was watching a teaching by Francis Chan yesterday on Psalm 23, the Lord is my shepherd. He played a video of his daughter singing a song she had writte as if God speaking. Totally ministered to me. Here are the lyrics.

I know your pain I hear your cry

and I've been there too

and I promise not to leave you

Soon you will see what I can see

Child keep your eyes on Me

You're right where you should be

Don't fear anything

Cause I'm here and I can bring you joy

Even here I'll bring you joy

There's a reason for everything

and each season I can bring you joy

Even here I'll bring you joy

This narrow road will lead you home

Follow the faithful few

Who have finished strong before you

I can't promise you'll be free from pain

Until you see My face

But I'll help you run the race

So don't fear anything

Cause I'm here and I can bring you joy

Even here I'll bring you joy

There's a reason for everything

and each season I can bring you joy

Even here I'll bring you joy

There is no power strong enough

To separate you from My love

There is no power strong enough

To keep Me from you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neZ3oLRpgRE

You can watch her sing the song at 24 mins but I highly recommend watching the teaching

The Outcome

2011-03-25T12:36:00.000-07:00

We count those blessed who endured.
You have heard of the endurance of Job
and have seen the outcome of the Lord's dealings:

He is full of compassion

He is merciful

James 5:11

Recap of Job

Into God's Capable Hands

2011-03-21T22:00:00.000-07:00

It's really really hard to watch someone you care about go through something hard. At least for me it is. I am not the type of person who can just shrug it off. I carry burdens. I want to make things better or try to encourage in some way.

Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes all we can do is offer availability and a listening ear and commiserate with the one who is struggling or hurting.

In so many situations right now I am learning what it looks like and feels like to place everything into God's capable hands.

A friend recently shared with me that she was thankful God opened her eyes to the fact that when she let go of whatever she was struggling with it didn't just float out into no-man's land but was in the hands that made the universe. That should provide for rest on all sides. But truly rest from troubles is a battle in the mind.

Jesus said, "LET not your heart be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in Me. My peace I give you, not as the world gives."

We can allow our hearts to be troubled. It's a decision. The antidote to a troubled heart: believe in God, hope in God, trust in God

Laughter is Medicine and Smiles are Keepsakes

2011-03-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

A Break in the Clouds

2011-03-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

Serioulsy. I love my home. We have the biggest expanse of sky. Whenever I am overwhelmed with life, getting out and seeing the vastness of what surrounds me always brings me clarity and a sense that "everything really is going to be ok." The sky is so much bigger than me. God is so much bigger than the sky. I love this picture because it's as if the light beaming in the midst of the darkness sucks you upward and into the light. Unfortunately, I didn't have my actual camera and my cell is lousy quality with photos so the grandeur of the scene is limited. But it was amazing.

Because YOU Love, You Won't Give Up

2011-03-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

I will probably never be a fan of biblical illustrations. They just seem downright corny. But this is such a good song. Don't let the pictures distract you. And if you like the pictures.. Well then, there you go ;) to each his own.

Call Me SaraN-wrap

2011-03-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

I want to cling to what I KNOW. Let go of all the rest. Trust God. Trust that He knows all.

Old Enough For Lipstick?

2011-03-16T13:40:00.001-07:00

Yes. I have decided I am.

Japan- You Are Loved

2011-03-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

I realize that I haven't said anything about Japan and the recent terror of the earthquake and tsunami. Japan: you are in my heart you being all the people who are there and have been affected by this catastrophic and tragic event. I can only imagine the horror and fear so many people have been experiencing since Friday. You are not alone. Many people care. Many people are praying. You are each individually important. Most importantly to God.

Stay in the Sweet Spot

2011-03-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today at church we had a guest speaker Jason Biel from Oregon teach about Barnabas in Acts 11. Barnabas was sent to Christians who were scattered throughout different countries due to persecution. Out of all things he could have come and spoken to them about to aid them as they continued to share the gospel of Jesus Christ, his one exhortation (passionate encouragement) was: STAY CLOSE TO JESUS.

Jason started out his teaching with an analogy of a surfer out on the water. The goal for a surfer is to find the "sweet spot" on the water. In order to stay in this spot he has to have a point of reference on the shore which will not move, otherwise, the current will inevitably cause him to drift. Before he knows it, he will look up and realize how far he is from the "sweet spot."

In the same way, life has a natural current. My "sweet spot" can only be maintained if I am fixing my eyes upon my immovable God, Jesus Christ. There will be times my eyes lose sight of Him and I look up and find myself asking, "How did I get here?? So far from where I was?" It's in those moments I must go back to my point of reference, Jesus, and stay close to him.

So sweet. Jesus plus nothing else really is everything.

So this is my foot forward to be like Barnabas and encourage others to keep on holding on to Jesus Christ.

Phill Ellington "Losing is Winning"

2011-03-13T00:09:00.000-08:00

I love finding blogs that glorify Jesus Christ.

I did today and I want to share a quote from a man I admire but don't even know.

"In our life there are times when it seems like we are buried alive. Those are opportunities to die. To die to self, to die to ambition, to die to pride, to die to selfishness and allow Christ to so control our lives that we live for Him and unto Him and let His life be expressed through us as He lives in us and through us. Losing is winning."- Phill Ellington speaking of Matthew 16 and cross referencing John 12:24-25 "Truly, Truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world wil keep it to life eternal."

Phill is a man who is currently going through chemotherapy for mantle cell lymphoma. Three days after he was diagnosed, he and his wife Cissy were hit with the news that she has a malignant brain tumor which had returned from a prior surgery and radiation 5 years earlier. Currently, they are both dealing with cancer at the same time. You can check him out at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/phillellington

I am both challenged and inspired to live for Christ with lno regard for my life. To live in such a way for Christ that says, "What else can I give to the Lord?" He deserves every part of me. "Losing is winning."

The Book Of Job-- God is HOLY God is Good

2011-03-11T15:48:00.000-08:00

I have ALWAYS disliked reading the book of Job. In fact, when I have tried to read through the bible the past 5 years of my relationship with Jesus when I get to Job I just lose interest and skip or skim it.

BUT... This time was different.

I'll start with gist of the book of Job:

Satan comes before God
God asks Satan "Have you seen My servant Job?! There is none blameless like Job fearing God and shunning evil in all the earth (Job 1:6-8)" basically like: in your face Satan, you will never have anyone devoted to you as I do
Satan challenges God saying that Job only is that way because of all of the blessings in his life
Satan tells God to stretch out His hand against Job
God allows Satan to have power over all Job had with execption of his person (himself and health)
Satan goes for it sparing ONLY what God commanded
In one day Job loses all his children, servants, livestock (all his wealth)
Job responds in worship to God "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; BLESSED be the name of the Lord" (Job 1:21)
Again Satan comes before God and God asks him if he has considered Job who "still holds fast to his integrity" (Job 2:3)
Satan is given permission to touch Job's person (his bone and flesh) but cannot take his life
Satan strikes Job with painful boils all over his body from the top of his head to the soles of his feet (Job 2:7)
Job's "encouraging" wife tells him to curse God and die
Job responds "You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" (Job 2:9)
Job's three "friends" visit him
After 7 days of silence due to being in awe of Job's visible suffering, they open their mouths in error
Job's friends look at his circumstances and begin to use their own understanding of the situation-- they blame Job's suffering on sin and accuse Job of numerous things that were not true. They spoke incorrectly of God's character in these things
Job contends with God and God answers him
Job is humbled because he knows God is God and he is not
Job's friends are corrected by God. God basically stands up for Job (Job 42:8)
Job's health is restored once Job prays for his friends
In the end God restores twice as much as Job once had. God blessed the latter days of Jobs life more than his beggining (Job 42:12)

It's an amazing story! BUT from Job chapter 3 until Job chapter 42 you have this crazy back and forth: Job crying out in anguish and his friends taking turns blaming Job for his own situation. It's like the unhappiest thing to read.

I am telling you though, the coolest thing about God's word is that it is HOLY, active and living and SHARPER than ANY double-edged sword. The Holy Spirit totally showed me some awesome stuff!

Job at a few points is crying out basically saying (my complete paraphrase) "I have done all the right things! I have been a good person and I have given myself to the needy and the poor! I haven't sought out sin! In fact I have set up boundaries so that I do not sin but I flee sinful opportunities! I have no ease in my life, I have no comfort and no peace. I have NO IDEA why I am suffering and why these things have happened! I wish God would show me where I have gone wrong, what I have done and how to make it right!"

But... what God was working in and through Job's character and heart were the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS.

Job 23:8-10 Look, I go forward, but He is not there, and backward, but I cannot perceive Him; when He works on the left hand, I cannot behold Him; when He turns to the right hand, I cannot see Him. But HE KNOWS the way that I take; when He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold.

The new testament talks about believers being greived by various trials so that the genuineness of our faith, being more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, would result in praise and honor and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen we love. Though now we do not see Him, yet believing, we rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of our faith--the salvation of our souls. (1 Peter 1:6-9)

Even Job said "It is still my consolation and I rejoice in unspairing pain, that I have not denied the words of the Holy One" (Job 6:10).

The ONE THING that Job rejoiced about in the entire book of Job (at least out loud) was that even in the middle of pain that would not stop, he did not deny God's words but held fast to them. THAT IS INCREDIBLE!

How many times do we shake our fists at God when things do not turn out the way we hope or "planned?" If we don't actually shake our fists, how often do we turn from Him in our hearts?

Rather than allow God to speak to us through pain we run to so many other things to distract us from an uncomfortable place. TV, friends, activities, dare I say FACEBOOK! even church and human wisdom.

Choose the best place: waiting upon the Lord. Even when He seems silent.

Little did Job realize that his prayers would be answered as he cried out, "Oh that my words were written! Oh that they were inscribed in a book! That with an iron stylus and lead they were engraved in the rock forever! As for me I know that my Redeemer lives, and at last He will take His stand on the earth! Even after my flesh is destroyed, yet from my flesh I shall see God; whom I myself shall behold, and whom my eyes will see and not another. My heart faints within me!" (Job 19:23-27) Doesn't that also sound a little like 1 Peter up above??

Know that your Redeemer lives!

"I know that you can do EVERYTHING, and that no purpose of Your can be withheld from You. You asked, 'Who is this one who hides counsel without knowledge?' Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, 'I will question you, and you shall answer Me.' I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eyes see You. Therefore, I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes"-- Job 42:2-6

Job was blessed because he did not waiver in his faith in God. He wrestled some with his words but God totally met Job and after humbling out, God blessed him SO MUCH! Sure, Job knew who God was with his head, but at the end of all this suffering he EXPERIENCED GOD. There was a head to heart transferred, experienced and understood knowledge of God's character which made Job realize his place: face down on the ground before a HOLY GOD.

He is Holy, but He is GOOD.

His name is Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Every good and perfect gift comes from Him. He is the Father of lights who never changes. (Isaiah 9:6 and James 1:17)

Almost Three Years Later

2011-03-08T20:49:00.000-08:00

I just re-read one of my first blog entries http://sarasmileawhile.blogspot.com/2008/07/so-am-i-crazy.html from July 29, 2008.

"My boss offered to pay for me to extend my trip and see Paris: a lifelong dream. But the Lord specifically told me to go home. FAITH: the assurance of things hoped for but not seen. By faith I will be returning home, declining the BEYOND generous offer of my boss because there's a greater cause in doing what God has asked. Though I have no idea what lies ahead I feel it's something BIG. To trust and obey.. it is the only way to follow Jesus.. even when it makes no sense to others. To take up my cross, die daily and to follow Him to the ends of the earth. To know Him and make Him known."

Almost three years later and I am sitting here thinking: wow, I wonder what that was for? A lot has happened in three years. A lot has happened in three months. I look back at those sentences and still I have no idea why God wanted me to come home. I may think I know but truly I have no idea. I am still walking by faith though that it was God's specific timing and plan that I return home from Hungary when I did back in 2008.

I have no idea what God has for my life. I just know I have only what is in front of me. That's all I know I have. So I am to seek God daily and moment by moment for the leading of His Holy Spirit in my life.

Last night I mused on a recurrent thought: could it be that God is not as concerned with what I do for Him in comparison to what HE is doing in me? I would muster up all that's in me to say ABSOLUTELY. Because the latter brings Him so much more glory and drives me to draw upon Him for everything. God is truly amazing.

Perplexed But Not in Despair

2011-03-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

In the secret crevices of my heart
Lie questions still unanswered
Some days seem to just fly by
Others seem to drag on so much
Like a rubber band being stretched to its limit
I wonder how much further I can go before I break
But You meet me with strength Lord
You meet me with a peace I don't I recall knowing
You meet me with everything that I need
Visions of where I thought I'd be
Are learning how to die... or at least given to You for safekeeping
You've made me aware that each new minute is an entrusting
How will I spend Your gifted minutes Lord?
Pining, self-pity, discontent?
Or will I stretch forth these hands to offer healing and help?
Will I use the voice You gave me to bring encouragement and comfort?
The waiting is indeed the hardest part
And yet, You show me how to occupy this space
Thank You, Jesus

Thou Dost Know the Way

2011-03-08T14:00:00.000-08:00

by Amy Carmichael

My Father, to my heart I take
Thy simple word of truth today;
I shall not lose me in the brake,
For Thou dost know the way.

Before my face a mountain frowns;
Above me all the sky is grey;
The mist is lying on the downs;
But Thou dost know the way.

Around me various voices call,
But Thou wilt never let me stray;
For Thou, my Father, knowest all
The windings of the way.

Oh, music that the soft winds blow,
Sweet song of peace for troubled day—
I am contented not to know,
Since Thou dost know the way.

I KNOW.

2011-03-04T20:18:00.001-08:00

Tonight I'm babysitting two out of three little boys for my dear friends while they're out on a much needed date night. Thankfully, they took their brand new baby boy because I do not know how to handle new borns.

Anyways, as I tucked the two into bed (I think they're 5 and 3 by now) they both said little prayers after bedtime stories. I always love hearing little kids pray.

The older brother prayed this, "God I know you protect Sara and I know You protect Joshy (his younger brother) and I know you protect mommy and daddy."

Precious. Precious and true.

It made me realize how much I pray to God not in a confident "knowing" but in a flimsy little "hoping" that often wonders if God will come through. So, I am challenged by a 5 year old to pray confident prayers to a big God KNOWING He is capable of so much and KNOWING He wants to answer my prayers and even declaring His great capability back to Him in confidence. AWESOME.

I love kids.

SNOW!!

2011-02-26T16:22:00.000-08:00

We NEVER have snow where I live and there were rumors that we would get snow at sea level. Sooooo this morning when I woke up I was so eager to peer out my window. I had to rub my eyes several times but there was ACTUAL SNOW!!! Enjoy the shots!!

SNOW!!

I Love this song for many reasons... mainly the banjo (or mandolin?)

2011-02-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

The journey starts, I'm back again
Climbing through this mess I'm in
While willow trees they shift beneath the outcome of my unbelief
I stop again take a breath

I think of all my past, my past regret
A smile breaks and finds her place,
In this valley I see Your grace.

Sweet, sweet love
You're my sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet love
You're my sweet, sweet love.

Like honey comb that's on my lips
I taste a love that's heaven-sent
A love that's pure, a love that's free
The only love I really need.

Sweet, sweet love
You're my sweet, sweet love
Sweet, sweet love
You're my sweet, sweet love.

Reject Rejection

2011-02-25T12:35:00.000-08:00

Just listened to a sweet teaching on God's love by Jon Courson

Rejection can cause SO many terrible things: dysfunction, hatred, depression, suicide. BUT GOD through Jesus Christ His Son offers us continual love and acceptance which, if we receive it, can and will overshadow any rejection we could ever face. Jesus was a perfect example of a man who was rejected yet stood firm and loved people regardless of how they received Him because of His standing with God the Father. God the Father said of Jesus, "Behold this is my beloved Son with whom I am well pleased."

Those who call upon Christ as Savior must see that we too have this same standing with God the Father because of Christ's perfect sarifice of Himself upon the cross. Let us walk in the truth.

http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachingsplay.asp?teaching=T369

Strength is Here.

2011-02-24T22:14:00.000-08:00

Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand ~Isaiah 41:10

For this Purpose

2011-02-23T06:28:00.000-08:00

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps,
--who committed no sin
--nor was any deceit found in His mouth
--and while being reviled, He did not revile in return
--while suffering, He uttered no threats
--but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously
1 Peter 2:21-23

For it is better, if God should will it so, that you suffer for doing what is right rather than for doing what is wrong
1 Peter 3:17

Therefore, since Christ has suffered in the flesh arm yourselves also with the same purpose, because he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin, so as to live the rest of the time in the flesh no longer for the lusts of men, but for the will of God.
1 Peter 4:1-2

Therefore those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right.
1 Peter 4:19

After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will HIMSELF perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10

God is present in times of suffering. From what we finite beings consider small to what we consider very large, no suffering is out of God's sight. Those who follow and call Christ Lord are told in God's word that our sufferings actually produce somethings that are quite worthwhile (refer to the books of James and Romans). Things like the proof of our faith, perserverance, patience, proven character and hope.

So no matter what God's children experience, we can TRUST that He is working something precious inwardly that ought to be lived outwardly in submission and obedience to Him. And just as Christ never retaliated or did anything spiteful in return (though He above anyone else is justified to do so) but instead entrusted Himself over and over again to the ONE righteous Judge (God the Father), we also, as His followers are called to follow in His ways. He gives us the power to do so through the Holy Spirit who raised Christ from the dead. Praise God.

These are the precious things that God is teaching me even in the midst of heartache and the daily ups and downs of life. Christ is my anchor and He leads me all my days and all the day long.

As You Grow

2011-02-21T21:03:00.000-08:00

Bright eyes full of excitement
Shined like little pots of golden sunshine
Kissable chunky toddler cheeks
Framed your face with a smile that would brighten the darkest day

And yet as the years go by
Life has shown you a colder side
A side I wish you never knew
Loss, fears, crushed hopes, pain
The smiles have slowly disappeared into blank stares and quiet thoughts

Oh little heart, as you grow
Don't lose the warmth true to your form
Don't get buried beneath the weight of life

I long to make everything better
Make all your nightmares disappear
Make all your happiest dreams come true

Oh little heart, as you grow
Don't allow solemn reality to drown out your dreams

Don't let the world define your value

My little precious button of love
You're stitched into the fabric of my heart
I wish I was nearer than I am

Oh little heart, as you grow
Don't hide who you are
Don't get lost in the shadows

Parallels

2011-02-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

I got home from kickboxing this morning and pulled into the carport. The wind and rain outside didn't seem extremely alluring so I took a moment to lean back the driver's seat and stretch out a little. As I did, I was checking out the view of my dash from a distance. I thought, "So cute. This car is so cute. I love everything about it inside and out. The way the interior is shaped, the cougar on my steering wheel that makes me feel even more fierce after kickboxing... I just am so thankful for this car!"

Immediately I remembered the car search I went on before I found my faithful little cougar. I had my dad come with me to a dealership and began to look at new and used cars. At 19 years old, I was ready to dump my pickup truck for something grander. I had re-dedicated my life to Jesus that Spring/Summer of 2005 and a new car (new to me at least) was something I really wanted.

Long story short, I fell in love with a hot little 6 speed Black Toyota Celica 2 door hatchback. However, there was an interesting smell emitting from the car after the test drive. My dad and I were not sold on their reasoning of a "recent oil change." BUT, after looking at paperwork I could afford it because I wasn't paying rent anywhere and had a steady job.

I had a slight hesitation in the pit of my stomach but I had to have that car. Plus, the dealership believed so much in the integrity of their used cars that they had a policy: you take it to your mechanic in the next week, have him check it out. If you change your mind, you can bring back the car and the deal will be off. So, I ate up the offer and drove that cute little car off into the sunset-- in 6th gear.

After almost a week the smell didn't dissipate and I had an internal battle: did I really want to take it to the mechanic to see if there was indeed something seriously wrong? That would mean I would have to re-think this adorable new car. After much deliberation I took it to my mechanic. It was ridiculously dramatic as I waited to know the outcome of this thorough "check-up". Minutes seemed like hours, hours like days as if this car was my best friend undergoing surgery for some life threatening thing.

The outcome was devastating: the car had a blown head gasket! Both my mechanic and I were upset that a dealership would sell a car in this condition. I mean, it's not like the car was a $3,000 lemon, it was over $17k with financing!! My mechanic called the dealership and reprimanded them. The dealership offered to fix the problem at no cost to me.

I no longer trusted this dealership and I wasn't so sure this car was going to be the best thing for me. But boy, I really loved it. I had already decorated my rear view mirror and stick shift and passenger seat! Not to mention I showed the car off to practically everyone I knew with thrill and pure excitement: my first car!! That I bought all by myself!! I felt so cool and accomplished. Needless to say, I was torn.

My mechanic said to me, "Sara, can I talk to you like a sister? Give the car back to the dealership. The last thing you want is to find out there are more issues with the car." I pondered but agreed with him.

I was bummed. Super bummed. Thankfully, God helped me to see this as a major blessing. Had I ignored the signs and proceeded with the car because it is what I wanted so bad, I would have been in a world of financial hurt and headache. So letting it go was the best thing to do.

I tried looking around some more for a different car but it seemed God had closed the door on everything so I pretty much let it go. I learned how to be content with the way things had been before the 6 speed hot sporty car. I went back to my faithful pickup truck; dented and very not sporty, but a wise decision.

Months went by and one day I happened to be near a car dealership. On the fly, I began to walk around and check out sticker prices. Tucked away among brand new sparkly cars was this little silver 2 door hatchback that caught my eye. "What kind of a car is this?" I thought to myself. I had noticed a couple cars like it around town but never new what it was. "Cougar" was stamped on the butt. "Ok, it's an off brand.. Pfft." I couldn't help myself, it seemed to me like a Geo or something totally generic and my pride was getting in the way. But as I peered inside the driver's window I immediately began to like what I saw: 1) stick shift 2) bucket seats 3) super clean interior. Hmmmmm.

I was approached by a salesman. I asked to test drive the car and as he went for the keys he turned back to say, "You know that's a stick shift, right?" to which I replied, "You mean, you aren't going to teach me?" He hesitated for a moment and laughed after I smirked at him. This man was super nice and down to earth. In no way did he push or take advantage of me being a woman.

We drove down the freeway and I grew fonder of this car by the moment. By the end of the day, after calling my dad and running some numbers by him, I decided this was it. This was the car. The dealership had offered me a good interest rate, threw in tinted windows, an extended warranty for free and I was sold. My awesome salesman followed me home in my truck so I could enjoy driving my new sleek silver bullet. He was sincerely excited that I was excited and shared in my joy.

It had been such a great experience buying that car. I drove us back to the dealership and after all was said and done, they had knocked the price of the car down by 10% for me so I could get even better financing than we initially went for. Talk about blessed beyond what I could ask or think.

Looking back I see how patience and contentment in "lesser" things (my pickup truck) led to such blessing and a firm and free feeling of making the right decision when I bought the Cougar when God saw the time was right. Not to mention, shortly after I bought the car I needed to move out of where I was living forcing me to take on a new financial responsibility of paying rent.

Even through that season God taught me how to bless Him by being wise with my money. First in giving to Him and then seeking His guidance in how to pay my bills and what I could afford without using a credit card. He stretched every last penny and taught me invaluable lessons about what I was capable of through Him and how He had His hand upon my life and took care of my every need.

It's so silly that I was stubbornly set on that Toyota Celica. I wanted to make it work even though in the deepest part of me I had undeniable hesitation and my hesitation was met by the knowledge of things seriously off with the car. Thankfully, God intervened. He truly did. Who knows what I would be driving today if I took that car and what kind of debt I would be in.

God wanted to teach me how to be content with what He had for me, even when it didn't match up to my dreams and desires. I had to learn what it meant to be humbled out. Especially feeling humiliation after showing off the Celica, because I felt like such a failure. But what is any "feeling" which may last for a little while in comparison to making the right decision?? It's nothing. Nothing but a fleeting emotion.

In the same way I am re-learning this lesson in a greater way today.

To date, my sweet little car gets great mileage and has been super dependable. It has been a tool of ministry in driving many high school students home after youth group. Had I put it next to the Celica, I would have chosen the Celica. But God had different plans.

There are somethings we hold on to for so long trying to make it work in our own strength because our desires are more important than God's. Perhaps God is telling you to let go of something and trust Him with complete abandon?

This is what He has done in my life in regards to a relationship that had marriage on the horizon. As we got closer to our wedding date, the deepest part of me was filled with hesitation. There were serious red flags that I tried to push through and ignore. God intervened and I was unable to move forward because it was clear that this relationship and the struggles inside of it had become more important to me than Jesus. Not only could I not move forward, but God made it clear I needed to walk away and surrender it to Him.

It's now been about a month and a half of being single. There have been days when I want to run back to the relationship and try to make things work but in those moments I end up confused and my vision of what I am supposed to be doing with myself gets cloudy.

It's in those moments God has met my deepest needs when I cry out to Him in loneliness, sadness, confusion, frustration or anger with brutal and unmasked honesty. He knows!! He knows this has been hard. He knows that I wanted more than anything for things to be different and to work.

And I won't lie. It's a bummer. It's a big fat bummer to have a wedding dress and no wedding to wear it to. It's humiliating to tell people over and over again that there is no wedding date, there is no fiance. There is no ring. There is no future right now. There are only the could have been's. That is not to be my focus.

God asks me if I trust Him enough with my future to have faith and believe that He is working all things together for good. Good that He defines. And I do. I believe it with all of my heart and everything that is in me. And that is His desire for me. He wants me to seek Him and be content with where I am in life. Even when it seems like being single is a "lesser" thing like my pickup truck was in comparison to the Celica.

I know that in the same way He did with my car situation, God has already and will continue to teach me invaluable lessons and grow my character along the way. When the time is right God will meet my desire to be married by either restoring the relationship I once had, bringing someone else or showing me that His will for my life is to be single. I know that in all of those scenarios I will never be disappointed as I hope in God. More than all these things, He will continue to conform me to the image of His precious Son who laid aside ALL things and died for me. I owe Him my life.

It's funny how recalling and retelling this car story takes so long in comparison to the memories that flashed through my head as I leaned back my car seat today. I began to thank God for all of the situations He has brought me through. He has been so faithful to see me through the darkest night. When I didn't think I could bear one more thing, He has always met me with an extra measure of grace as I have made it my aim to seek Him.

There have been many circumstances I would never have chosen for myself. Things that seemed so unfortunate and disappointing at the time but ended up being more of a blessing that I could have ever imagined. Again and again in my life He speaks these words into my heart:

Romans 5:3-5 ...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame (or disappoint), because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

1 Corinthians 2:9-- as it is written, "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him.”

Yes. Yes. Yes.

2011-02-17T10:32:00.000-08:00

Today is dark and rainy. I love dark and rainy days.

"Good"

2011-02-17T06:13:00.001-08:00

I have realized that I wait for the "good" God is working together through all things (Romans 8:28) for those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.

I have also recognized that whatever is "good" is that which brings me closer to God. So while I press on in life just "waiting" for whatever "good" God is working together through all things I am (if I am submitted to the Lord and obedient to Him focused on loving Him) actually already walking in the "good" that He is working together.

Psalm 84 is one of my very favorites. God spoke this to me years ago and asked me if what I considered "good" was something I allowed Him to define and choose or if it was something I based on circumstances or how I felt about a thing.

Psalm 84:11
For the Lord is a sun and shield;
The Lord gives grace and glory;
NO GOOD THING does He withhold
From those who walk uprightly.

When I read this section of scripture some time ago, it was as if God immediately whispered into my heart, "If I withhold the things you are longing for and desire, even if they are not sinful but seemingly good and beautiful, it is because right now they are not good for you."

How many times do I see a parent withhold something from their child because the parent just knows better? Example: "No, you cannot have that lollipop before bedtime right after you brushed your teeth." Is that parent being spiteful by not giving into their child's longings? No way. They just know what is better. Not only will the sugar amp up their child so that he or she cannot get the rest that is needed, it will also defeat the purpose of brushing his or her teeth.

In the same way, God as my perfect loving Father who created me and knows all things about me: the beginning from the end, never withholds from me so that I "miss out" on anything, but truly because He knows what is best for me.

And in the "waiting" when I feel like my prayers aren't answered for some thing I am wanting but do not have, God is pouring out the "good" as I remain surrendered to Him and willing to do what He wants rather than go after things on my own. So, even in the midst of trials in this life, because God has allowed them, they are good and can be a source of joy. I can allow patience to have its perfect work in me so that I may be complete and lacking nothing (James 1:2-4). He must increase and I must decrease.

It's all about Jesus.

FORTITUDE.. My New Favorite Word

2011-02-16T21:37:00.001-08:00

There's just nothing like reading something and it striking you so much as something you identify with or something that is a super good point that you find yourself saying "Mmmm!" out loud and nodding. Maybe I am just one of those people who have a hard time being quiet anyway but when I read something good I always find myself making verbal proclamations or grunts of some sort.

Here are a couple of those "Mmmm!" moments as I was reading from Gold By Moonight by Amy Carmichael in a chapter called "Fortitude"

According to www.dictionary.com fortitude is: mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously; strength and firmness of mind; resolute endurance

"We are called to be the Lord's Die-hards to whom can be committed any kind of trial of endurance, and who can be counted upon to stand firm whatever happens... This is the spirit that animates all valiant life: to be strong in will-- to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield-- is all that ever matters. Failure or success, as the world understands these words, is of no eternal account. To be able to stand steady in defeat is in itself victory..."

"....big courage is the cold-blooded kind, the kind that never lets go even when you're feeling empty inside, and your blood's thin, and there's no kind of fun or profit to be had, and the trouble's not over in an hour or two but lasts for months and years...speaking about...'Fortitude.' I reckon fortitude's biggest thing a man can have--just go on enduring whern there's no guts or heart left in you."

Lastly:

"Consider Him (Jesus) who endured. The word has a tranquilising power. The endurance which "remains under," which does not try to slip from under or float over and so escape from the trial-- that is what we see when we consider our Lord, so marred, more than any man, and His form more than the sons of men, yet eternal Lover of men, eternal Conqueror."

Nothing To Do Now

2011-02-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

"You look back at a certain moment which changed everything...This was like a lightning-flash cleaving straight across the road on which you walked. You shut your eyes instinctively; when you opened them the road looked different. And it was different.

Nothing will ever be again as it was before that lightning-flash. This, and this, and this you will never do again. And the road will grow duller and darker with every mile you go---- is that your thought?

A Voice speaks within you:
'Things will never be as they were before? That is true; for they will be better.
You will never do this and this again? That also is true; for I have other things for you to do. They are not what you would choose? But they are indeed the road best that Love can choose for you.
The road will grow duller and darker with every mile you go? The path is like a shining light; like the sun that you have watched on many a lovely morning coming out of his chambers and rejoicing as a strong man to run a race. Does the light on that shining racecourse of the sky grow less and less? No, it shineth more and more. So shall the path of My beloved be, not darker, but brighter as it nears the perfect day. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. This, not that.'

And yet-- O Lord, forgive; the things I cannot do are looking in through my window now, and beckoning me, and calling me.

'But I am here in the room with you: I am nearer that those beckoning, calling things. I come between them and you. You have nothing to do now, but to please Me.'

Then, though you may have been trained in the noblest liturgy on earth, you echo the simple words as a young child might, 'I have nothing to do now, but to please Thee.'

And Thou art not hard to please, O blessed Lover of us all."

"Gold By Moonlight" by Amy Carmichael, Veils, p159-160

Lamentations 3:20-41

2011-02-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

Surely my soul remembers
and is bowed down within me.
This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The Lord's lovingkindnesses
indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
"The Lord is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he should bear
the yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
For the Lord will not reject forever,
For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness.
For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.
To crush under His feet
All the prisoners of the land,
To deprive a man of justice
In the presence of the Most High,
To defraud a man in his lawsuit-
Of these things the Lord does not approve.
Who is there who speaks and it comes to pass,
Unless the Lord had commanded it?
Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth?
Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complain in view of his sins?
Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the Lord.
We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven

Bitterness Vs. Forgiveness

2011-02-08T06:26:00.000-08:00

Time to be a little more transparent.

Hebrews 12:1 talks about running the race that God has set before a person who has accepted Jesus as their Savior. It explains that there will be "weights" that pull us down, slow us down or trip us up along the way. We are told in this verse to lay them aside along with the sin that so easily entangles us.

There are many things that can weigh a person down or hinder a person in the plans God has for their life. One of these is bitterness. It can be so subtle how bitterness creeps in. We nurse wounds and replay hurts from others over and over and over again in our minds. Little do we realize that we are allowing cancer into our hearts. One of the things I have noticed in myself is if I allow bitterness to stay, I begin to see people through my "lens" of bitterness. It is an unloving expecting the worst from people who have hurt me in the past. It clouds out any good that they do and amplifies anything I do not like. Slowly it begins to solidify negative experiences. Before I know it my heart has become a swelling pool of unforgiveness and venom. Not so pretty. Nuh-uh.

Thank God that Jesus is the remedy. When I realize remember and focus on all that Jesus has forgiven me of, continues to forgive me of and will keep forgiving me of, I understand that I can hold no one under my thumb. When I forgive others regardless of what they are doing with that forgiveness and regardless of me deeming them worthy of it (which none of us are anyway), I release myself to run in freedom. This is the goal: freedom. Freedom to love and serve God through Christ Jesus. Who doesn't want freedom?

"Bitterness in the New Testament focus on that angry and resentful state of mind that can develop when we undergo troubles... The writer of Hebrews describes the hardships that come into our lives and speaks of the as God's discipline. They are a form of training that God in love has determined we need for our own good. Crushing experiences never seem pleasant at the time. They are painful. It is only later that we see their fruit in inner peace and righteousness. But an experience intended for our good can be twisted into bitterness. The writer points out that to profit as God intends, we must not surrender to hopelessness. We must struggle, in God's holy way, to live at peace with all around us and not give way to bitterness... The remedy for bitterness, then, is the appropriation of God's grace." ~Lawrence O. Richards, Expository Dictionary of Bible Words

"You don't forgive someone merely for their sake; you do it for your sake so you can be free. Your need to forgive isn't an issue between you and the offender; it's between you and God. Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bitterness of unforgiveness or in the freedom of forgiveness... Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another's behavior." ~ Neil T. Anderson The Bondage Breaker

Chains Be Gone

2011-02-05T23:36:00.000-08:00

Chains be gone
Be done away with
Paralyzing over analysis lay down in the dust
Just die with the thorns that choke out all the good

Freedom let me soar
Upon higher heights
Unhindered by the weights that drag my soul down

I cry out for freedom!

Why do I care what they think
Why do I care what they say
Where will they be when the day is said and done
Along with their words and summations of who I am

I was never made to meet a man's expectations
Fashioned not for man's eyes to please
Because all the things we can see are temporary
And all these pointless things are chains
Chains be gone
Made in God's imageI am what I am
I am who I am

Desperately Wicked Heart

2011-02-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Oh for a quiet to hush the many thoughts which throw my confidence into spirals of confusion
And how can it be that in one moment life seems "do-able" and the next moment all is crashing down?
Floods and tidal waves sweep through me every now and again
Tears flow as sadness creeps upon my heart
Watching husbands and wives with their children
Smiling and laughing
Sharing life together
And then there's me
Me and my finger without a trace of evidence that once... Once there was something there
Wondering how life got here... but I hear these things don't happen overnight
Even still life was heading one direction yesterday, today the complete opposite
A lacking depth of relationship where my closest friend and I would linger
How green the grass looks in my neighbor's yard
And how seemingly perfect things can appear
When, in all reality, everyone struggles in different ways
Peacelessness becomes my bed
When I pick apart and try to grasp this situation
Find ways to make it work
Ask myself again and again how I would do things differently
Realizing I have no answers
No control
The heart is sick with grief and desperately wicked

Yet, I hear Your Holy Spirit beckon me to lean not upon my own understanding
To trust in You, my Lord
And acknowledge You in all my ways
Because You will make my path straight
In these true words my soul finds rest and is stilled
Knowing You are God and You can do whatever You want
I comprehend this with my mind
But to know this in my heart is the great divide You are diminishing

The most substantial things are invisible

Certainty returns when I run to You

Assurance that the right choices have been made in this season

That for now at least it's time to let things go

To have faith that what I entrust to You is safely kept

Believing what I "let die" and lay down, You are able to raise up

This time is to learn who I am in You

To accept who You have made me to be

Recognizing my failures and wrongdoing

Humbly bowing at Your feet

Learning from mistakes

Thankful for Your cross

Satisfied in You

Lost in Your love

Healed by Your touch

Yearning for You

Loving You with all that is in me

Seeing past myself

Experiencing new found freedom

Walking in an identity You author

Reaching out to those who have no hope in You

Praying for full reconciliation at some point

Convinced You work all things together for good after those who love You and are called according to Your purposes

Allowing You to define GOOD.

Gotta Love Spurgeon

2011-02-04T08:06:00.000-08:00

From "Morning and Evening" a devotional book by Charles Spurgeon

1 Peter 5:7~Casting ALL your care upon Him; for He careth for you.

"It is a happy way of soothing sorrow when we can feel--"HE careth for me." Christian! do not dishonour religion by always wearing a brow of care; come, cast your burden upon the Lord. You are staggering beneath a weight which your Father would not feel. What seems to you a crushing burden, would be to Him but as the small dust of the balance. Nothing is so sweet as to:

'Lie passive in God's hands,
and know no will but His.'

O child of suffering, be thou patient; God has not passed thee over in His providence. He who is the feeder of sparrows, will also furnish you with what you need. Sit not down in despair; hope on, hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble, and your opposition shall yet end your distresses. There is One who careth for you. His eye is fixed on you, His heart beats with pity for your woe, and His hand omnipotent shall yet bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. He, if thou art one of His family, will bind up the wounds, and heal they broken heart. Doubt not His grace because of thy tribulation, but believe that He loveth thee as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness. What a serene and quiet life might you lead if you would leave providing to the God of providence! With a little oil in the cruse, and a handful of meal in the barrel, Elijah outlived the famine, and you will do the same. If God cares for you, why need you care too? Can you trust Him for your soul, and not for your body? He has never refused to bear your burdens, He has never fainted under their weight. Come, then, soul! have done with fretful care, and leave all thy concerns in the hand of a gracious God."

Blown Away By God's Love

2011-02-01T21:42:00.000-08:00

In the midst of trials, God ALWAYS shows me a new dimension of His love for me. I am so thankful that the God I serve is so multi-faceted. He is so completely beautiful, loving, patient and kind. The pitiful words in my English language cannot come close to describing His amazing characteristics and perfection.

I'm going through a bible study called "Becoming a Woman of Purpose" by Cynthia Heald. Currently, I am reading and studying about God's purpose and that being to love His people. The section of scripture was Luke 15:32, a parable Jesus taught about a "Prodigal Son" (prodigal means rashly or wastefully extravagant) as an example of God's love. Go read it.

Heald forms questions as follows:
1) How is God's love revealed in the father's response to the return of the younger son? (Luke 15:20-24)
My answer to the question:
-He saw his son a long way off-- God is just waiting for us to come to Him, watching and waiting
-He felt compassion for his son--God's heart is full of compassion
-He ran to, embraced, and kissed his son (just so happy to see him)--God is SO ready to receive us no matter where we've been, how long we've been gone or what state we're in when we return.
-He blessed his son with the finest things he had to offer (just so happy his son was home)--God desires to lavish us with blessings of His love
-He gathered others to celebrate the return of his son--God delights in us

2) How does the father's response to the complaint of the elder son reveal God's love? (Luke 15:25-32)
My answer to the question:
-He pleaded with his older son to come and celebrate over his brother who had returned--God gently pleads with us to choose love when we are angry, bitter or jealous of another
-He reminded his older son that he had always been with him and he (the older son) had all access to all things--God has given us ALL things that we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3) and every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (Ephesians 1:3) We have ALL WE NEED in Christ so we should be thankful!
-He exhorted his older son to consider what had just happened and rejoice in it-- God wants us to think about things that are worth rejoicing about (Philippians 4:4-8) because there are SO MANY!

3) What does this story tell you about God's love?
My answer to the question:
God is patient, abounding (going way over the top) in lovingkindness and mercy. He is ready to pardon and receive back. Able to correct gently. Able to compassionately speak into my heart. *God's love is not dependent upon the recipient*

I love this quote that Heald includes:

"It is wrong to speak of God's need of love from His creation, but remember how God Himself expressed His longing for that love: like a father starved for some response, any response, from his rebellious children; like a jilted lover, who against all reason, gives his faithless beloved one more chance. Those are the images of God summoned up again and again throughout the time of the prophets. The deepest longings we feel on earth, as parents, as lover, are mere flickers of the hungering desire God feels for us. It is a desire that cost Him the Incarnation and the Crucifixion." -Philip Yancey
Source: Philip Yancee, Disappointment with God (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1988), 209.

As I think about God's love for me and His desire for me to return His love, I am just humbled. I pretty much know who I am and that isa wretch at best. But to think that God loves me so much (the WHOLE WORLD SO MUCH) that He would send His Son to pay the price for my sin so that I could have a relationship with Him?! Like not just to show me how much He loves me but that I would pour out love to Him!! WHAT AM I?! I am absolutely nothing compared to the God of the universe. And yet... Yet He wants my love. How amazing. Just simply amazing.

God wants all of you. He wants your love. Not because He needs it or is greedy. Nothing petty at all. He just so much wants our love because He loves us so very much.

What love is (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). In the words of a sweet sister tonight, "Love isn't goosebumps and warm fuzzies". Love is long suffering, kind, not jealous, doesn't brag, not arrogant, not rude, keeps no record of wrongs, thinks no evil, rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things. Love never fails.

Let God redefine your understanding of love.

Ok. Goodnight. :)

At the End of Myself is Where...

2011-01-27T21:00:00.000-08:00

It's where I find You, Lord.
And Your forgiveness meets me in my wretchedness
Your amazing grace flows down when I acknowledge my complete inability to change myself into something better than sinful human

This heart, so desparately wicked, defaults to selfishness: a pit and sinking sand

BUT

At the end of myself is where...
It's where I find You, Lord.
And You are the remedy.
Your cross. Your sacrifice upon it. Your blood spilled out for me.
Praise to You Jesus
Halle... HALLELUJAH!

I Just Want to Sing "Holy"...

2011-01-23T22:17:00.000-08:00

How many roads did I travel
Before I walked down one that led me to You?
How many dreams did unravel
Before I believed in a hope that was true?
How long? How far?
What was meant to fulfill only emptied me still

And all You ever wanted…
Only me on my knees
Singing holy, holy
Somehow all that matters now is
You are holy, holy

How many deaths did I die
Before I was awakened to new life again?
How many half truths did bear witness to
‘Til the proof was disproved in the end?
How long? How far?
What was meant to illuminate shadowed me still

And all You ever wanted…
Only me on my knees
Singing holy, holy
Somehow all that matters now is
You are holy, holy

And all I have is gratitude to offer You

-Nichole Nordemon "Holy"

"It's Only Water" Brandon Heath

2011-01-20T06:12:00.000-08:00

There's a shadow coming as the sky goes black
It's a stubborn rain on a Nebraska plane
There's a farmer standing on a thirsty ground
He holds his breath, "This is life or death"

It's only water

And it washes over me
Like a single river stone
Changes everything but has no power on its own

It's only water

There's a winding canyon where a mountain stood
Miles of earth and clay carried far away
But there's something holy in these cathedral walls
They took a lot of years and a lot of tears

It's only water

And it washes over me
Like a single river stone
Changes everything but has no power on its own

It's only water

There once was a wedding all the wine was gone
They said, "He's just a man" that's where it all began

It was only water

And it washes over me
Like a single river stone
Changes everything but has no power on its own

It washes over me
Like a single river stone
Changes everything but has no power on its own

On its own, it's only water

"You Are Faithful" - by Michael Boggs

2011-01-19T22:14:00.000-08:00

I am SO blessed to have just heard this song for the first time tonight. WHAT a blessing. God is SO good. Here are the lyrics.

Oh the mountains haven't always moved
When I prayed that they would
And the waters didn't always part
When I believed that they should

But You have promised You'd never leave us
To face this life on our own
So whatever You choose
However You move
I know I'm not alone

In the healing and in the breaking
You are faithful,
You are faithful
In the saving and in the suffering
You are faithful
You are faithful

Through the pieces of a broken life
Your loved has helped me see
I may never understand Your ways
But You'll always be good to me

'Cause You have promised You'd never leave us
To face this life on our own
So whatever You choose
However You move
I know I'm not alone

In the healing and in the breaking
You are faithful
You are faithful
In the saving and in the suffering
You are faithful
You are faithful

Your love is deep enough to drown my fears Lord
The plans You have for me are worth waiting for

It is YOU

2011-01-19T21:33:00.000-08:00

Jesus. I am so thankful You are all I need.
My worth, my identity, my hope, my future.
These things are all wrapped up in You.
I praise You for all that I have in You.
Thank You for eyes that can look out and see Your beautiful creation
Even when my longing to share the views are unmet
You are still here.
You will always be here.
It is all about You

Holy Spirit

2011-01-18T21:09:00.000-08:00

Holy Spirit, gift to me
Faith beyond all I can see
Holy Spirit, spill it over
Grace that reaches to my brother
Holy Spirit, fill this heart
Love so big, love to impart
Holy Spirit, my memory refresh
Blood spilled out for my forgiveness
Holy Spirit, You can empower
To choose obedience in the darkest of hours
Holy Spirit, whisper clear
Guidance that these ears can hear
Holy Spirit, wisdom bring
Teach me what is the best thing
Holy Spirit, search me through
Lead me to Jesus, lead me by truth

The Holy Spirit:
Is called the Comforter
Is called the Counselor NIV--John 14:16,26
Will be with us forever--John 14:16
Is the Spirit of Truth
Lives in us--John 14:17
Teaches us all things
Reminds us of Christ’s teachings--John 14:26
Will testify about Jesus--John 15:26
Convicts the world of guilt--John 16:8
Guides us into all truth--John 16:13
Takes from what is Christ’s and makes known to us-- John 16:14-15
Intercedes for us
Helps us in our weakness—Romans 8:26-27
Searches all things
Reveals truth –1Corinthians 2:10

As We Yield

2011-01-18T06:20:00.001-08:00

These are quotes that stood out to me this morning as I am going through a study called "Becoming a Woman of Purpose" by Cynthia Heald.

"Only as we are in Christ, can we hope to be what God intends. His purpose becomes real and transforming as we yield to the process He chooses for us to replicate His character. At great price God purchased our salvation and He continues His sanctifying work in us so that we will be transformed into His image and thereby glorify Him." -Cynthia Heald

"The marvellous secret of a holy life lies not in imitating Jesus, but in letting the perfections of Jesus manifest themselves in my mortal flesh. Sanctification is "Christ in you." It is His wonderful life that is imparted by faith as a sovereign gift of God's grace." -Oswald Chambers

"The spiritual life does not consist in the withdrawal of self, of initiative, or of the consciousness of responsibility... Thus it is seen that the actual experience into which the believer is brought as a result of dependence upon the Holy Spirit is not coercion of his will, but a larger and more effective exercise of it. It is not a matter of the Holy Spirit compelling the one whom He empowers to make a choice of right ideals whether that one wills to do so or not; it is the deeper, more effective and more normal achievement by the Spirit of inclining the one who depends upon Him to will in the sense of desire, and to do in the sense of complete accomplishment of that which constitutes the will of God." - Lewis Sperry Chafer

No Matter What... Jesus is Worthy of All Praise

2011-01-15T22:07:00.000-08:00

"Gratitude" by Nichole Nordemon

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry it needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups and fill them up again tonight
Oh wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time

But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead
And if we never taste our bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want
And what we truly need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case...

We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But, Jesus, would You please.

Friday Night Livin' it up ;P

2011-01-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

I used to spend time with my grandma so often but haven't made the time for a while. It's sad how I have let life dictate my schedule rather than set my schedule and live life through it. So, last night this was my opportunity. It's also rare it's just the two of us so that was a super special blessing. My grandma (dad's mom) is one of the strongest people I know.

Years ago her husband (my grandpa) left her here with 6 young children in California and ran off with another young woman in Illinois. My grandma pressed through, raised her children and even took my grandpa back when he returned. While she had biblical reason for divorce, she decided that she would stay true and honor the vows she made that only death would part them. Though she says things were never the same, she did forgive him.

Only until the last few years of his life did my grandpa vocalize how much of a treasure my grandma was to him. I remember the Thanksgiving before he died he was sharing with my cousin and I that when he met my grandma he said that he knew she was the woman he was to marry. I don't get wrapped up in stories like that (or at least I don't think I do) but I was blown away that those words were coming from a man who seemed to always be loud and blunt.

During his last year of life I spent much time with him and my grandma. I'd go to their house every week just to have dinner and share life with them. My grandpa had become so softened and I believe it was God only who did that work through him. His last year of life was very physically hard. Due to Lymphoma, he had to have a part of a lung removed. After that surgery, his breathing quality was that of sucking air through a straw. Can you imagine?!

He would walk around town every morning in his train conductor's blue and white striped hat and say hello to everyone imaginable. My grandpa died a completely changed man.

Anyways.... all of that to say my grandma just simply amazes me. She had people telling her she couldn't do this, she couldn't do that all because my grandpa was gone. But she DID IT. And She did really well. I absolutely love my grandma. A strong, thoughtful and loving woman who never grew bitter through very hard and hurtful circumstances.

It was neck to neck near the end. She's still as feisty as ever.

God's Desire

2011-01-14T08:04:00.000-08:00

It's to be in a relationship with the people He created.
He purposed it
He initiated it
He is pursuing it
He will stay true and not waiver in His decision for it
He has a plan through it and good deeds resulting from it

"Because whatever you do, eating or drinking or anything else, EVERYTHING should be done to bring glory to God." 2 Corinthians 10:31

When It Hurts

2011-01-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

There is still the infinite JOY I have in YOU Jesus. There are only brighter days to look forward to. Even if they only are in Heaven.

I'm Not Responsible.

2010-12-31T09:02:00.000-08:00

Life is not easy. Period. A child is unable to effect the course of his life because he is subject to those who care for him. An adult has more ability to frame his life around what he chooses. However, he is still subject to the unexpected twists and turns and unpredicted circumstances of life.

So what do we do then when it seems our hopes have been crushed to the ground and the things we thought were a certain way are actually not at all what we thought they were?
Sure, we can all "get by" and "push through". But how we can get through and still have JOY? How can we avoid becoming jaded and sarcastic? How can we avoid becoming bitter? I am learning it is understanding that we cannot control anything. Except the way we handle situations.

Each person possesses the responsibility of themselves.

BUT:

What if you turned the responsibility of your life over to the One who created you? This is something God is challenging me in recently. That HE is responsible for me and that I am to trust Him and cling to Him. Since He is the one who is powerful and mighty enough to create me and all I see, I am to fear HIM and Him alone. Not mere man. Please do not misunderstand me. I don't mean that I never make decisions and I loaf around until God opens the sky, shines light from heaven and tells me what to do. No. Not at all.

What I do mean is seeking God daily through His word. Continuing in prayer over all areas of my life, over the people in my life and those I do not know (government, orphans, widows, the homeless, people I randomly meet, etc). Asking God to reveal what His plans are for me and surrendering or submitting myself to them. Even if it means my own personal discomfort. Pursuing friendships with people who have the same goals so that we can encourage one another to press on in knowing God and grow together; fellowship.

I imagine this: your child has a favorite toy, let's say a teddy bear. Your child and the teddy bear are inseparable. Everywhere she goes, this teddy bear is close to her heart. But after much play, pulling and dragging (life for this teddy bear) the teddy bear's arm is ripped off. You love your child. You want her to have joy. But, you want to repair this teddy bear's broken arm. If you were to ask your child to give up her teddy bear, it would be hard for her. After all, what would playtime and bedtime be like?

Imagine your child looking at you, looking at the teddy bear and finally agreeing that letting go of the teddy bear was the best thing she could do. I picture big eyes full of wonder and little reluctant arms stretching upward to release this precious friend and finally letting go. In this situation, there is only one fully capable of being responsible enough to actually repair the arm of the teddy bear. And it isn't the child.

This is what I see as entrusting all aspects of my life to God. It would be so easy to hold on to my life, my heart, my dreams, etc. So often I think I know what I need. I know what to avoid to protect myself. However, if I say that Jesus has redeemed my life through the power of His blood, then my life really doesn't belong to me. I am not responsible for it. I am to give it back to Him. He know exactly what I need; He made me (Psalm 139). And He is GOOD.

Because I was born in to a sinful world and my human nature is to sin against God, my life is broken. My heart is in need of repair. So I can try to do what I think will work OR I can relinquish all of my hard efforts and simply remind God of what He is responsible for. I am His. He is my Father, I am His daughter. Just like a child I need to obey. Just like a child I need to ask permission. And there is so much FREEDOM in relying on God rather than my own strength.

I understand that this concept may be a big pill to swallow for some because the concept of a father is distorted. Many earthly fathers have neglected, abandoned, abused and mistreated their own children. This is not the type of father God is. But God is "knowable" and He made us to have a loving relationship with Him. We can discover who He is through His word. Study His character throughout the bible.

John 3:16 God so LOVED the world: all the people in it. That He sent His ony begotten Son, that whoever would believe in Him would not perish (would not have an eternity separate from God the Father) but have EVERLASTING life (with God the Father). God loved us enough to sacrifice His only begotten Son for us. His Son Jesus Christ was the only way our sins could be dealt with.

A Change Of Plans

2010-11-13T09:10:00.001-08:00

Changes in plans seem to keep coming up because one thing or another prevents me from something that either I thought I needed to be doing OR others wanted me to do. I believe God is teaching me how to REST.

REST is like a dirty little four letter word that so many people feel guilty to do. But at our last pre-marital counselling session, Blake and I were told that it takes FAITH to REST. It is so true. As our wonderful counsellor, Pastor Geoff Buck went on in practical and biblical detail of what resting is, it was like my heart was pierced through and my eyes were opened wider.

Let's define REST, shall we? (source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/)

a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities
to cease from action or motion : refrain from labor or exertion
to be free from anxiety or disturbance
to sit or lie fixed or supported (a column rests on a pedestal)
to remain confident; trust (cannot rest on that assumption)
to be based or founded (the verdict rested on several sound precedents)
to remain for action or accomplishment (the answer rests with you)

It takes faith to rest according to the book of Hebrews
Hebrews 3:12
Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God.
Hebrews 3:15-19
While it is said, "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart, as when they provoked Me." For who provoked Him (God) when they had heard? Indeed, did not all those who came out of Egypt led by Moses? And with whom was He (God) angry for forty years? Was it not with those who had sinned, whose bodies fell in the wilderness? And to whom did He (God) swear that they would not enter His REST, but to those who were disobedient? So we see that there were not able to enter (rest) because of unbelief.
Hebrews 4:1-3
THEREFORE, let us hear if, while a promise remains of entering His REST, any one of you may seem to have come short of it. For indeed we have had good news preached to us, just as they also; but the word they heard did not profit them, because it was not united by faith in those who heard. For we who have believed have entered that REST.

It takes FAITH to rest.

I cannot rest if I believe I am the only one taking care of myself
I cannot rest if I don't believe that God will meet every need I have
I cannot rest if I don't have heaven to look forward to
I cannot rest if I am afraid of what people expect from me, or what I think they expect from me
I cannot rest if I judge myself
I cannot rest when my eyes are on me

I can rest only when my gaze is turned heavenward.

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us (Hebrews 11, those who walked by FAITH), let us also lay aside every encumbrance (weight) and the sin which so easliy entagles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy set before Him (those who believe in Him) endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Time to go rest.

A Three Hour Tour... A Three Hour Tour!

2010-10-16T22:26:00.001-07:00

No... this post is not about Gilligan's Island. But I bet the theme song of that show will now be stuck in your head.

Today I met up with a recent high school graduate from the youth group I was serving in. We grabbed coffee and began to talk about how school has been going for her thus far. It was so awesome to catch up with this young woman who is beginning to make her own decisions as an adult (with loving guidance and a few parental parameters). I was so encouraged by her faith and the way she shared how God has been using her in the lives of her hall mates in her dorm. Was even happier to hear that the Lord has answered every prayer we prayed together before she left and a specific prayer that she would be able to be discipled and to disciple others.

This young woman has such a strong desire to place all that she has into her relationship with the Lord and allow the rest to follow (with hard work of course). She is "waiting on the Lord" to see where He will lead her next in terms of a "bigger picture". I was so excited to hear that she is actively waiting. She is seeking relationships that will bolster her faith in Jesus, serving in SO many avenues, (i.e. worship leading in a small ladies group, going out weekly to reach out to the homeless in her community with a school group, volunteering her time, etc) studying hard, and I believe most importantly: learning how to prioritize personal time spent with her Savior Jesus Christ.

In college I can only IMAGINE the "tugging" on each person to be involved in a slough of different activities; beneficial, harmless or harmful. What a blessing to hear that this young lady is seeking those things which are not only harmless, but also EXTREMELY beneficial to her and will be to others in the future.

What a ray of light into my heart. I realized that I haven't made much time to sit back and compare and contrast the high school and junior high ministry and what it's been like serving in both.

In the high school ministry it was so easy to sit and talk with any of the girls at any given time. They would open up like flowers and just spill out what they needed to talk about. Thus, we were able to lift up specific prayers and see how God would answer. Fruit was everywhere it seemed.

Jr. High ministry is pretty different. Much of what we do is centered around keeping the kids active and involved. We play a lot of games, tell a lot of jokes. We keep it pretty light. Jr. High is such an awkward time of life. Puberty, social pressures, family pressures, you name it. These kids have a lot of cards stacked up against them.

I hone in more on the girls because they are the ones I am to relate to as a woman. I believe for most Jr. High girls, being in a large co-ed situation can be extremely nerve wracking. I can almost read some of the faces as they walk into the room. I see the girls look each other up and down, shift uncomfortably, stare, fidget, huddle in little cliques of "safety". There can be so many walls on any given Wednesday night or Sunday morning. That being said, in the Jr. High ministry, most girls don't really open up like flowers and spill out the details of their lives. What they say about who they are, I have found, is communicated in between the lines.

And perhaps I just read too much in between the lines. But often I've heard the girls skip about the issue they desire to talk about. For instance: if one says she is tired she usually wants you to ask why. Then comes a series of other questions you may ask as each layer comes down. They're like Ogres which are like onions, if you've seen the movie Shrek, you get me. So getting to know the girls on a personal level is a challenge. But one I have so enjoyed. Because I know that no matter how many layers a person can have, the very core of that person male or female desires to be loved and accepted. And I have the satisfaction of that desire. He's Jesus.

No matter happens in the lives of the students I have known or am getting to know, I have been so blessed with the privilege to serve them in love. To be available to them when they have questions about the bible or Jesus or life. I get the opportunity to maybe speak a word into their life which could change their outlook on God's love for them. I have the amazing chance to point each student to the only Savior, the only remedy for all life's ailments and the fulfillment of all the longings of our hearts: JESUS CHRIST and Him crucified.

Needless to say, this time today with my sweet sweet friend whom I now relate to in a different sense (no longer is she one I lead in a ministry, we are able to relate as sisters in Christ) was such a blessing to me. I was so blessed that this lovely one took time out of the very limited time she has home this weekend to catch up over coffee. She was determined to do so. I was so honored. Her eyes twinkled as she joyfully shared the tremendous ways God has been speaking to her. Three hours later we were astonished when we checked the clock.

I love being a girl.

Rough Waters

2010-10-09T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm reading "Gold By Moonlight" by Amy Carmichael right now and wanted to share this excerpt.

"Before we reach the place (rough waters) where such waters must be crossed, there is almost always a private word spoken by the Beloved to the lover. That is the Word which will be most assaulted as we stand within sight and sound of that seething, roaring flood. The enemy will fasten upon it, twist it about, belittle it, obscure it, try to undermine confidence in its integrity, and to wreck our tranquility by making us afraid, but this will fret him (the enemy) to flight: I believe God that it SHALL be even as it was told me. For, 'Faith reaches out to what it does not grasp'; it is always saying, 'Even now, even there, even so.'"

If you are in a season, as I have been, of having a hard time believing God's promises in particular areas of your life, take heart. God knows and He is not surprised. He takes even our feeble weakness and will work in and with us. For, His eyes range throughout the the earth looking for those whose hearts are set on Him, so that He can strengthen them. May God strengthen our faith in Him. REMEMBER: FAITH CAN COME. Because: faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. Stay committed to reading the Word and crying out to Him in prayer. He will give wisdom.

Train My Heart

2010-10-07T16:39:00.001-07:00

Train my heart, oh God, to look UP

Oh My God -- Jars of Clay

2010-10-01T12:45:00.000-07:00

By Jars of Clay:
Oh my God, look around this place
Your fingers reach around the bone
You set the break and set the tone
Flights of grace, and future falls
In present pain
All fools say, "Oh my God"
Oh my God, Why are we so afraid?
We make it worse when we don't bleed
There is no cure for our disease
Turn a phrase, and rise again
Or fake your death and only tell your closest friend
Oh my God.
Oh my God, can I complain?
You take away my firm belief and graft my soul upon your grief
Weddings, boats and alibis
All drift away, and a mother cries
Liars and fools; sons and failures
Thieves will always say
Lost and found; ailing wanderers
Healers always say
Whores and angels; men with problems
Leavers always say
Broken hearted; separated
Orphans always say
War creators; racial haters
Preachers always say
Distant fathers; fallen warriors
Givers always say
Pilgrim saints; lonely widows
Users always say
Fearful mothers; watchful doubters
Saviors always say
Sometimes I cannot forgive
And these days, mercy cuts so deep
If the world was how it should be, maybe I could get some sleep
While I lay, I dream we're better,
Scales were gone and faces light
When we wake, we hate our brother
We still move to hurt each other
Sometimes I can close my eyes,
And all the fear that keeps me silent falls below my heavy breathing,
What makes me so badly bent?
We all have a chance to murder
We all feel the need for wonder
We still want to be reminded that the pain is worth the thunder
Sometimes when I lose my grip,
I wonder what to make of heaven
All the times I thought to reach up
All the times I had to give
Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children - this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers - this is our greatest offense
Oh my God
Oh my God
Oh my God

You alone Lord make beautiful things...

2010-09-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

http://www.gungormusic.com/pages/media.html

I am so fond of this band. All that they stand for. All that they sing about. All of the sounds they make.

And I absolutely love this song.

"You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of dust. You make beautiful things, You make beautiful things out of us." Hallelujia

Enjoy :)

Pitter. Patter. Thought.

2010-09-11T22:39:00.001-07:00

I was reading someone's blog and it made me think about the following:

A true recognition of our need for a Savior (and of Jesus Christ being the ONE atonement for our shortcomings and imperfections which condemn us to hell) should cause us to bow down in reverence before a holy God in adoration that eagerly anticipates His return, as He promised.

Being fully aware that He could return at any moment to judge the world (according to His Word all prophecy up to Jesus' second coming has thus far been fulfilled) should propel us to be concerned with those who do not know who Jesus is and how much He loves all people and to be busy about HIS business.

When the Son of Man returns, will He find any with faith? God has promised His Holy Spirit to those who ask. God Himself promises that we do nothing in vain when we do things as unto Him. We may be weary, but do not lose heart in doing good. For in due season you will reap a reward if you don't lose heart. Rely upon His spirit, not personal might or strength. He loves us and His Word says His eyes range to and fro seeking those whose hearts He can strengthen.

Something Old...

2010-08-09T19:09:00.000-07:00

Something new something borrowed something blue.. Just kidding.

Anyways I started going through old journals last night and came across this song/poem. It really blessed me today to see how much God has been faithful to continually change me into who He has purposed me to be. I wrote this a couple years back when the Lord was really redefining "Purity" for me. A purity of heart and mind and not just what I did with my body. I am so thankful for the mindset He has given me over time. Hope this blesses you somehow.

Your peace goes deeper than any other thing I've ever known
The rest You give always soothes the troubled soul
In You is found a shelter for the broken
In You and You alone

Life's circumstances sometimes more than I can bear
My weary heart yearns for calm and I long to be held by arms I can feel
It's my pattern to reach out on my own looking for a place to just call home
Each time I end up shattered, scattered upon the floor
Wondering how I ever got there knowing there is something more

But Your gentle voice it calls out to me asking me to trust
Even though I cannot see

You say the shame that cloaks all I've become will be cast out with just one word
Grace obtained by Your shed blood
When I come to You, Your love covers me like a flood

Each time I kneel and confess my sin Your light pierces the darkness and
healing continues within

And then Your peace goes deeper than anything I've ever known
The rest You give always soothes the troubled soul
In You is found a shelter for the broken
In You and You alone

Lord, all I need I find in You
My God, You never push this heart away
I can fall upon Your faithfulness
You're my stronghold and You are my confidence

Each time I place my faith in You and trust I'm never disappointed
All that You say is true

Your peace goes deeper
You're the anchor to this troubled soul
In times of fear You shield me from it all
In You is found all that I need to live for You and You alone

The Lord Is My Shepherd

2010-07-23T08:58:00.001-07:00

Psalm 23:6 "Surely goodness and lovingkindness will FOLLOW me all the days of my life..."

Sometimes looking forward all we can see is trial or hardship but if we fix our eyes on God who promises to lead us, we surely see how goodness and lovingkindess ALWAYS FOLLOW AFTER. Trust in Jesus, trust HIS Word. No matter what things look like ahead, He never fails.

Grace Upon Grace

2010-07-12T22:39:00.000-07:00

I cannot run from You
Nor do I want to
You know my heart, my thoughts, my intentions
And You keep on loving me

Oh grace upon grace
Such amazing grace
Freely flows down from Your heart to mine

The mountains are becoming plains
They are nothing in Your sight
The topstone has come down
As shouts of "Grace! Grace!" multiply

The music of heaven is Holy, Holy, Holy
and Grace upon Grace

My Love, You Are to Me...

2010-07-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

You're like light dancing across my fingertips
You're like the warm midday summer sunlight
A golden glow across my skin
I long to bask in all You are
You're arms are strong and mighty like giant redwoods
and comforting like laying on a lawn of tall grass in the cool of the day
My Love, You are to me: all that I could ever dream of and so much more
You are too big to hold, too beautiful to behold
Love so majestic
Love incalculable
Love, You hold me
You hold me and You don't let go
Love, You never leave me
You never forsake me
My Love, You are to me: all that takes my breath away and leaves me speechless
Jesus, Savior, Lover, Friend, Father, Master, my all in all
Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace
My Love, You are to me: everything.

Holding

2010-06-26T22:48:00.000-07:00

We hold fast to what we know and to the truth that there is hope
Storms may come and winds may howl but we have an anchor for our souls

Christ Jesus.

As we hold onto Jesus we are being held
So let's let go of the fears that hold us back from trusting
Let's let go of the desire to understand it all
Let's dream big dreams to reach the world with HIS love
Let's swim against the tide of doubt that tries to pull us under
Let's love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, minds, all our strength
Let's love each other as we love ourselves.

A Different View

2010-06-14T19:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know if anyone has ever looked at you in a way that just communicated love. NOT SEDUCTION. NOT LUST. But LOVE. Pure love in their eyes with no hidden motives of wanting anything but just to gaze at you in love. Not wanting you to do anything for them or to do anything to you but a pair of eyes simply enjoying what they see in you. I think I am blessed to know what this is like. The feelings I have when someone has looked at me this way are of shyness, excitement and hopefulness. Maybe you have NO idea what I am writing about. Maybe you're creeped out. Maybe this sounds ultra mushy and you're squirming in your seat.

But maybe, just maybe, there's something deep within you that longs for this type of love. A love that appreciates you for who and what you are. More on that in a moment.

Last Friday night as I was singing during our worship set in the youth group I serve with, God showed me two very special things. Typically during worship I try to focus on singing to God while asking Him for Him to help me match up the words I sing with my attitude and the way I live my life. Worship is a time I draw near to God and offer to Him what I believe to be my love for Him with my voice and a heart of thankfulness that I can even approach Him: the CREATOR of the universe! Thankful He listens and inclines His ear to my voice because He thinks it is lovely. Not because of anything I have accomplished but all because I have received His Son Jesus Christ as Lord of my life.

Back to what I was mentioning about love, last Friday (a pretty typical night of worship) the Lord showed me two very special things I hope I never forget. As I was singing, I envisioned myself walking down the aisle of a church as if I was getting married. This was not something I was trying to think of but it just popped into my head. As I looked at the groom waiting for me, His eyes were locked on mine. Nothing else mattered to Him but me. It was Jesus Himself. Not that I know what He looks like or anything, but I knew it was Him.

Pure love was in His eyes as He smiled at me with a joy I cannot put into words. I could sense His anticipation in waiting for me just to be right with Him where He was. An eager expectation that made me feel almost shy to receive His gaze. I say shy because I realized as I walked down the aisle that I had from within shining outward a purity and brightness that had not belonged to me and yet it was given to me by my Groom Himself. He had clothed me in the finest fabrics, He had taken care of the meeting place, He had it all prepared. All I had to do was walk toward Him in response. And He couldn't wait to be with me.

Immediately I knew God was speaking to me about the way He views His church. Those who believe in Jesus Christ and trust in Him. He is so looking forward to the day when we will be with Him for all of eternity. He is so looking forward to His bride.

And then I thought of the Holy Spirit. The book of Ephesians in the bible talks about how we have been sealed with the Holy Spirit (the third person of the trinity) of promise. In other words, God's Holy Spirit within us is the guarantee that Jesus is preparing a place for us in heaven with the Father and that He will come back for us. The Lord showed me that the Holy Spirit is like an engagement ring. He is our promise of a future life with the Father. He is our hope for what is to come.

So, that is what God showed me. I hope it makes you think a little differently about the way God sees you and His commitment to you. His eyes are full of love and grace. It doesn't matter where you have been or what you have done. He desires you. He loves you.

I Love My Momma

2010-05-09T07:32:00.000-07:00

For lullabies and bedtime prayer
And all the ways that you were there
A touch of love upon my brow
The comfort I know even now
For sandwiches sliced into triangle fours
Piano ballet and for thumb wars
For Mow-Mow and the occasional Crazy Eights
And even for Yahtzee, which I now hate
For dealing with my ups and downs
And fishing smiles out of frowns
For the way we laugh until we cry
And then forget the reasons why
For emergency chocolate never too far from reach
For the way that you listen, the way that you teach
For endless streams of prayers over my life
For your care, your love and helpful insight
For all of these things and OH SO MUCH MORE
I want to say, "Thank you" if I haven't before
I love you so much mom and believe this is true:
That I wouldn't e who I am if it weren't for you.

Happy Mother's Day momma. You mean the world to me.
Love,
Sara Beth

Let FREEDOM Ring

2010-04-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

God's so amazing. I must say. I don't know how many times I have said to others, "God knows us so well and He knows the things that need healing which we aren't even aware of" without really having ever experienced this truth in my own life. I just knew it was true and believed it was true.

In the bible there's a word used for the term "to know" I think it's gnosko (gahnos-koh) or something. This word means to know by experience. Often sitting in bible studies I have heard pastors say that the farthest distance anything may ever have to travel is about 18 inches: the distance knowledge has to travel from our heads to our hearts. I believe this to be true.

As we walk with Jesus in obedience according to the Word of God (the bible), it is a walk of faith. We trust that what we know with our heads is right, according to the Word of God and eventually the Lord, through various life lessons, circumstances and other people, transports those truths to our hearts and we know them tangibly because of experience. It is such a mysterious and wonderful thing. As we being to really know and apply God's truth to our lives, He takes us to new levels of personal freedom which are inward but can only be described as miraculous. At least, I have and am experiencing this.

Jesus said to those who believed Him, "If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John 8:31-32)
He then went on to say, "Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be FREE INDEED" (John 8:36)

Do you want to experience healing and true freedom? Get in the Word of God. Confess your sin, turn from your sin, and ask Jesus to make His home in your heart. It is not an easy life to live, in fact, Jesus promised those who follow Him will have trouble in this world. BUT He has promised that we can be of good cheer, we can have joy regardless because He has overcome the world when He rose from the dead after taking our sins: past, present and future all upon Himself. He who knew no sin, became sin for us that we might become the righteousness of God. While we were dead in our sins, Christ died for us. We are saved by GRACE through faith and that is TOTALLY separate from any works we can do. Jesus paid it all. And because of that, we have a HOPE OF HEAVEN. Eternity spent in 100% perfection of the way God intended things to be. No more sorrow, no more pain. Only joys forever.

Here's a poem I wrote last night:

From the surface all I can see is rubble
"Give it time, child"
I hear You say
"For soon upon this foundation will stand firm
A monument, a memorial
Whispers of future hope from the past
Songs of praise will flow along the beds of dry rivulets
Where tears had commonly travelled
Precious stones mined and gathered
Formed where faith was pressed upon every side
As truth shines forth
Wings will spread in FREEDOM
And you will soar upon new heights
To see the landscape with a bird's eye view
The little things will disappear
As higher up you go
The bigness of the sky will expand
And the open air taste sweeter"
Oh Lord, YOU heal me
You see what I was meant to be
Dig down deep and excavate
Illuminate the caverns of my soul.

New Poem

2010-04-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem after God opened my eyes to what I previously shared in the last post. Hopefully it will one day be a song.

Oh how I've missed Your purpose
And lost sight of Your goal
My eyes grew dull
Happiness took place of holiness
Disappointment set in
The lights went dim
Confused why my numb heart was frozen
When I thought of the empty tomb
From which You had risen
You seemed so far
My mind knew You near
Instead of joy came fear

So meet me on this road
Meet me on the way to Emmaus
Draw it out of me, what's been lost
Come close to me on this journey
Lord open my eyes to see
Ears to hear
My heart to believe every word
As You speak

Speak the truth into my life
Cast the dark out with You light
Expose my fears
Wipe away my tears
As You break the bread
I'll lift up my head
And my heart will burn once again

What was dormant inside will beat faster
You once again will be my Lord and my Master
Lay down my will
Walk up this hill
Knowing that You surround me

Empty lungs will breathe new air
All because You are there
Oh Breath I breathe
Sight with which I see
I fall at Your feet in worship
You're everything I need

Where Have I Been? Oh There I Am!

2010-04-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

Well, again life gets busy and I make excuses for why I don't invest into what I really love to do. But I really love to write! I have not even been journaling for a couple months. Just taking notes here and there at church but not really taking time to write out my thoughts. The following has a lot to do with why...

Recently, God is really uprooting some things that have been in my heart for many many MANY years (when the comparison of my lifespan is taken into consideration). I won't lie, it's been SUPER uncomfortable, frustrating, scary, disappointing and hard.

There have been times I have wanted to run and hide under a rock and far away from everyone I know. There have been times I feel like everyone knows God is dealing with me in such an uncomfortable way which has made me feel so exposed thinking other people are thinking, "Oh there's the girl who always cries during worship again" or "There's that girl who is always dealing with something and she's never able to let loose... She's so serious, how annoying."

Caring what other people think is such a TRAP! It's such a bottomless pit! Proverbs 29:25 says the fear of man brings a snare. Caring what other people think is a snare. What's a snare? It's a trap that catches one unaware. UNAWARE. I had no idea I was trapped in what I thought people were thinking of me.

Because of those things combined, my trust in God waned and my heart was truly cold to God. On Good Friday I couldn't understand why I had no joy and was not even looking forward to celebrating the ressurection of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I knew everything in my head as true but my heart was unfeeling. I was so upset with myself.

I just "Googled" that proverb and came across a really interesting site Biblical Foundations For Freedom

http://www.foundationsforfreedom.net/Topics/FearGodMan/FearGod019.html

Paul Bucknell writes: "Each time we fear man, we are actually preferring our own safety, respect and security over the Lord's will."

Wow. What an awakening! I was been placing my own personal will above God's will for me. Of course this has led to frustrations, fears and irrational ideas of what people think and how they view me. Especially my closest friends.

God spoke to me through Chuck Smith in his book "LOVE The More Excellent Way". He speaks of two men walking on the road to Emmaus in Luke 24 after Jesus has risen from the dead. The two were downcast, depressed and lacking all joy because Jesus died upon the cross. They even went to the empty tomb but still did not believe in their hearts that He had indeed risen. Their problem was that they had placed their hopes and expectations in Jesus coming to rule and reign as Messiah. This was TOTALLY 100% biblical and right on. However, they did not take into account the ENTIRETY of the prophesies about the Messiah. That He would suffer.

As these two walked along on their slow and weary 7 mile journey they reasoned together but neither one could lift the other out of the rut they were in emotionally and spiritually. They were just downright disappointed. Then came Jesus.

Luke 24:15-16 So is was, while they conversed and reasoned, that Jesus HIMSELF drew near and went with them but their eyes were restrained, so that they did not know Him.

Jesus began asking the two men questions drawing out of them really what the problem was. They admit to Him that they had HOPED Jesus was the Messiah but oh, He was dead now.. He had suffered. It could not have been Jesus. The Messiah just could not suffer.

Jesus' response to them (Luke 24:25-26), "O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe in ALL that the prophets had spoken. Ought not the Christ to have suffered these things and to enter into His glory?"

And beginning at Moses and ALL the prophets, He explained to them in ALL the Scriptures the things concerning Himself. (v: 27)

Even Peter made this mistake when He told Jesus that He did NOT have to suffer and die upon the cross. Jesus flat out rebuked him and said "Get behind me Satan!" WOWZA. Were you Peter, you would have been like... uh. whoops. *Tail between legs*

Satan loves to whisper lies to us. To get us to avoid suffering. Just as Satan tried to keep Jesus from the cross, he tries to keep us from those things which we don't want anyway. The things that are uncomfortable, frustrating, scary, disappointing and hard at face value. But oh goodness. If we PRESS IN to those hard things, we will see Jesus face to face. We meet Him in His suffering. Jesus said, "The one who desires to follow Me must DAILY take up his cross (his lethal injection, his electric chair) and follow Me."

Back to my point. Jesus opened the TRUTH to these men. ALL the truth. They arrive in Emmaus and Luke 24:30-31 says: Now it came to pass, as He sat at the table with them, that He took bread, blessed and broke it, and gave it to them. THEN their eyes were opened and the knew Him; and He vanished from their sight.

Their hearts were set ablaze again for the Lord. They even said to one another in Luke 24:32, "Did not our hearts burn within us while He talked with us on the road, and while He opened the Scriptures to us?" That was Jesus' very heart: to meet these two discouraged ones who had lost their hope for what Jesus was capable of and to strengthen and encourage them and rekindle their hearts for Him as He Himself gave them understanding of the Scriptures.

And that is His very heart for us today. So if you have found yourself in a spot of a cold-hearted complacency and/or a lack of desire for the Lord you may have had, DO NOT DWELL in the place that says, "What happened?!" Move forward in faith. Let me break it down.

Get ALONE with the Word of God
Begin to read it and ask for God to draw near to you and give you eyes to see Him clearly
See if Jesus will indeed come alongside you to open up His Word to you
Allow God to give you understanding about the things that have brought such discouragement to your heart

And remember:

Jesus is keenly interested in you
Jesus is keenly interested in those who have lost hope
Jesus is especially interested in rekindling your heart of love for Himself
As those who are saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ, we have a marvelous hope for the future: a home in the beautiful kingdom of God where we will dwell forever in His amazing presence fully captivated by who He is
At Jesus' right hand there is fullness of joy and pleasure forevermore.

Don't get me wrong, I will most likely learn this lesson for the rest of my life. And in all actuality the Lord began opening my eyes to all of this just on Easter. But, I'm so thankful that God does not give up on teaching us the same lessons in new ways.

"Choose"

2010-04-07T07:10:00.000-07:00

By Christy Nockels

Let me be in love with what You love
Let me be most satisfied in You
Forsaking what this world has offered me

I choose to be in love with You
I will choose to be in love with You

Let me know the peace that's mine in You
Let me know the joy my heart can sing
For I have nothing Lord apart from You

I choose to call on Christ in me
I will choose to call on Christ in me

For in the fullness of who You are
I can rest in this place
And giving over this, my journey Lord
I see nothing but Your face

Let me know that You have loved me first
Let me know the weight of my response
For You have long pursued my wandering heart

I choose to glory in Your cross
I will choose to glory in Your cross

And I bow down...
Humbly, I bow down...
Humbly, I bow down...
I bow down...

I bow down, I bow down
my beloved- here I am
I bow down, I bow down to You...

Reach Out (Bethany Dillon)

2010-02-07T21:07:00.000-08:00

No one knows what is hurting inside me
But I feel it in every breath
So many have promised to heal me
Til my money and hope was spent
And I am hiding in this crowd
He may be just beyond my grasp

But if I just reach out,
If I just reach out
Just for a moment
Could everything change?
I reach out
If I just reach out
For the hem of His garment, could everything change?

Worry is the water rising?
And it's flooding up to my neck
I've nothing to lose
But can I believe these broken years are in my past?
Then eyes like fire and warm like the breeze
Turn and meet mine

Oh if I just reach out
If I just reach out
Just for moment
Could everything change?
I reach out, if I just reach out
For the hem of His garment,
Could everything change?

I feel like something is changed...
I feel like something is changed...
I feel like something is changed...
I feel like something is changed...
I feel like something is changed...
I feel like something is changed.

I know I felt something change

I just reached out
I just reached out
Just for a moment
And everything changed

I reached out
I just reached out
For the hem of His garment
And everything changed

I reached out
I just reached out
Just for a moment
And everything changed
I reached out
I just reached out
For the hem of His garment
And everything changed

Oh everything changed.

Mark 5:24-34
And He went off with him; and a large crowd was following Him and pressing in on Him.
A woman who had had a hemorrhage for twelve years,
and had endured much at the hands of many physicians, and had spent all that she had and was not helped at all, but rather had grown worse--
after hearing about Jesus, she came up in the crowd behind {Him} and touched His cloak.
For she thought, "If I just touch His garments, I will get well."
Immediately the flow of her blood was dried up; and she felt in her body that she was healed of her affliction.
Immediately Jesus, perceiving in Himself that the power {proceeding} from Him had gone forth, turned around in the crowd and said, "Who touched My garments?"
And His disciples said to Him, "You see the crowd pressing in on You, and You say, 'Who touched Me?' "
And He looked around to see the woman who had done this.
But the woman fearing and trembling, aware of what had happened to her, came and fell down before Him and told Him the whole truth.
And He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace and be healed of your affliction."

I Sat With You Last Night

2009-12-15T06:35:00.000-08:00

I sat with you last night
I held your wrinkled hand
A hand that waved goodbye to the only life you knew,
Caught tears of joy and pain,
Comforted the grandfather I never knew

Your hands worked night and day
Gentle hands that soothed the brow of your children
And cradled the faces of your grandchildren as you pressed your nose to their little cheeks and inhailed
Your loving hands have had to embrace and let go of so many things

And last night, as I sat with you
You said to me, "God has given me all a woman could ever as for,
He has always taken care of me".

I saw you last night, O woman
A woman of strength, loveliness, determination, humility, honor, excellence

I caught a glimpse of you last night, O mother
A mother who nutured, taught, disciplined, equipped her children for this life

I pictured you last night as a child
A precious child with fears, hopes, questions of who you would turn out to be, what your family would look like

I had a vision of you last night, O saint
Of you seeing your Lord and King Jesus face to face
Of the Father telling you, "Well done, good and faithful service. Enter in to My rest"
Of you swept up into glorious light to the place God has been preparing for you before you were born
Of you reunited with the husband, children and other family you lost
All your questions answered
Longings fulfilled

I saw you in that vision, O saint
Overjoyed as you saw the fruit of the prayers you prayed in patience and expectation

I sat with you last night
I held your lovely hand
Generation to generation your hands have
Passed on a sweetness; a gentle care
I look down at my hands today and pray that one day
These hands will look like yours, O woman of beauty.

Garden

2009-12-10T07:06:00.000-08:00

Matt Maher

In the cool of the day
You come to meet me
All the blue fades away
Stars are winking

Your love so strong
I can't recall
What was this thing
They called fall?

And You walk with me
You never leave
You're making my heart a garden

Oh why would I hide
Away from Your face
When the light of Your love
Illuminates?

Your hand in mine
A steady line
Drawn on my heart
And deep in my mind

And You walk with me
You never leave
You're making my heart a garden

All the broken are mending
The mournful rejoicing
Seeing through tears
A peace overflowing

And You walk with me
You never leave
You're making my heart a garden

Yeah, You walk with me
You never leave
You're making our world a garden

Never YOUR Intention

2009-09-29T05:25:00.000-07:00

Oh Lord as I cast my eye upon the world
I see such sorrow, loneliness, pain, devastation
and it makes my heart ache because I know
this was NEVER Your intention

You made for us a garden, glorious with
amazing plants, flowers, flowing water, animals,
smells, sounds, manifold delights
just so we could experience Your abundant goodness

You created the sunrise and starry night sky
tall trees for shade, the cool of the day
us for You and woman for man
and these, You said, were good. Very good.

In the midst of the wonderful work of Your hands
You placed Your beloved Adam and Eve in You gave them free will:
One tree amongst perhaps one million others
You warned that in eating it, they would surely die.

You surrounded them with plentiful options
for food, for enjoyment, for life, for forever
yet, their curious and deceived hands reached for the one thing they were not to have
and they, husband and wife, left the callings Your hands had placed upon their lives

The woman left the leadership of her loving husband
The man followed and did not protect his precious wife
they ate of the forbidden fruit
sin entered the world and Your heart broke.

It was NEVER Your intention
to take them away from this paradise where they walked and talked with You so freely
yet because You were gracious, merciful and forgiving
You took them out of the garden of Eden and blocked the way back

Your loving hands closed the door to a place
that would forever keep Your treasure (Your created people) separate from You
It was NEVER Your intention for us to die
but it was NEEDED to secure the possibility of LIFE with YOU afterwards.

Through one man, sin entered the world
and now all we see is fallen. Now all we do is fallen
We cry tears You never wanted to have to wipe away
but one day You will and that is Your promise to us

You sent Your only begotten Son, Jesus Christ
to become the perfect atonement for our sin
the wrongs had to be made right once and for all
and this was ALWAYS Your intention: reconciliation with You

Thus, through ONE MAN, fully God and man
You made a way of redemption and forgiveness of sin
There is none good, no not one
we fool ourselves daily thinking we can pivot over the chasm our sin created between us and You.

Wearily we make ladders, ropes and the like
to try to find the way back to You
when all the while right next to us lay a bridge to simply walk across: JESUS CHRIST, MESSIAH.
He's a bridge of surrender, faith and trust in You. It's a bridge we must CHOOSE and in not choosing, we reject.

Some angrily refuse this bridge because they see the effects of sin in the world and blame You. As if You made those things
They say, "How can a loving God allow suffering?"
and they stubbornly and pridefully turn their backs on Jesus Christ who suffered for their sake.

Within each of us lay heavenly longings
suffocated by the sin we pursue in attempts to fulfill our lives
We cram in all of what we think will satisfy
the great void our fallen human nature is known for

Oh hardened heart, did you not know that this emptiness
was NEVER His intention for your life?
Oh broken hearted, do you not know it is the Father's good pleasure
to reveal Himself to you as ALL YOU NEED?

Let the walls come down and the people rejoice!
Let the tears flow like water in repentance over selfishness
Let shattered lives be built upon SOUND foundation which never teeters not totters
Let the hands which tremble now with fear be lifted high to GOD in confidence!

For it was NEVER Your intention for us to experience the woes this life has to offer
Yet is was ALWAYS Your intention to make us WHOLE
To give us hearts of flesh instead of stone
To pour out Your love onto our lives and shed Your light abroad in our hearts;
hearts which respond to You in love
It was ALWAYS Your intention to give us HOPE and PEACE.

Oh weary, broken, lost, forsaken, lonely, fearful, hopeless, stubborn, selfish, angry... Come to Jesus. Let the thirst you have be forever quenched by streams of living water. Let the hunger you have be forever satiated by the body that was broken for you. Let the blood which was shed at Calvary wash away your sins once and for all. Let the mighty power of the cross have it's perfect way in your life. You can walk a thousand miles away from Jesus but it just takes one step back toward Him and He will come running. He would leave the 99 to come after one. That's how valuable and precious you are in His sight. TODAY is the day of salvation.

I Want to do Great Things for YOU

2009-09-16T06:21:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on in life recently. So many wonderful things that keep me in awe of the Lord and keep me wondering what He has for my life... His main purpose for me here on this earth. Here's a little poem I just wrote. Hope you are encouraged.

What are we that YOU would
pour out YOUR Spirit
and ignite our hearts for the lost?

Why would YOU chose the
feeble and weary to display YOUR character?
Did you count the cost?

My human ways of thinking
Can't grasp the purpose or effectiveness
Of YOU using even me

YOU could send a million angels
YOU could use absolutely anything
but there's something else YOU see

It's not my worth or my achievements
Nothing I have gained or proven
but YOUR Son's glory shining through my heart

YOU see the finished work of the cross
It has satisfied YOUR wrath
You see me seated in the heavenlies, YOUR perfected work of art

My eyes want to look out
and see the things YOU know
to view YOUR children as complete

To encourage YOUR people
toward their calling
and point them to YOUR love when they struggle with defeat

It's a wonder and amazement
the vision YOU have placed in my mind;
the burden which lay in my chest

YOU'RE the only source of strength
for the work YOU want to do
so I lay all I am and have before YOUR feet: my meager sacrifice at best.

The Heavens Declare Your Majesty

2009-09-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

Here's a poem I wrote on Thursday. I came home and laid on my car looking up at the night sky and realized it had been SO LONG since I took some time to slow down and enjoy God's creatiom and allow Him to speak to my heart. May you be reminded of the Lord's amazing love.

Beneath the darkened sky
my heart, it beats out a rhythm
only You can hear

Twinkling expanse is overhead
and You know the sense of
awe within me

Each star it sparkles as if
to greet me and draw me upwards
into a galaxy of wonder

As I lay here,
this midnight blackish blue
displays itself in fuller dimension

Deeper gazing, deeper seeking
I try to gather more than I can see
blinking becomes a hindrance and
my eyes get dry from peering

Oh, and just to think:
all of this is such a far cry from what initially was purposed
simply for my delight and enjoyment

This gorgeous scene
these glittery dancing dots
imperfect, fallen, not all they once were

I let out a breath long and slow
until my lungs are empty
the silence is almost deafening

Glancing north, south, east and west
under this endless canopy

Oh, to behold YOUR beauty
to touch YOUR majesty
to embrace the Bright and Shining Morning Star

My heart cries out with longing
a deep, deep longing
as deep as this starry night
perhaps even deeper

Oh, for heaven- YOUR kingdom come
the eternal hope glimmers

There Will Never Be a Greater Love

2009-09-04T07:48:00.000-07:00

Adios augosto, hola septiembre!!

2009-09-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

"Repentance is as much a mark of a Christian as faith itself. Do not think we have done with repenting when we come to Christ and receive the remission of our sins by the blood that did once atone. No; we shall repent as long as we sin, and as long as we need the precious blood for cleansing. While there is sin, or a proneness to any kind of sin, lurking in us, the grace of God will make us loathe the sin and humble ourselves before the Most High on account of it."- Charles Spurgeon

I'd like to meet Charles Spurgeon and have a whole day devoted to sitting and asking him all about life. Maybe some coffee would be involved too.

He Who Waters Will Himself Be Watered

2009-08-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

A few things the Lord is ministering into my heart
Proverbs 11:25

"We are here taught the great lesson, that to get, we must give; that to accumulate, we must scatter; that to make ourselves happy , we must make others happy; and that in order to become spiritually vigorous, we must seek the spiritual good of others. In watering others, we are ourselves watered. HOW? Our efforts to be useful, bring out our powers for usefulness. We have latent talents and dormant faculties, which are brought to light by exercise. Our strength for labour is hidden even from ourselves, until we venture forth to fight the Lord's battles, or to climb the mountains of difficulty. We do not know what tender sympathies we possess until we try to dry the widow's tears, and soothe the orphan's grief. We often find in attempting to teach others, that we gain instruction for ourselves. Oh, what gracious lessons some of us have learned at sick beds! We went to teach the Scriptures, we came away blushing that we knew so little of them. In our converse with poor saints, we are taught the way of God more perfectly for ourselves and get a deeper insight into divine truth. So that watering others makes us humble. We discover how much grace there is where we had not looked for it; and how much the poor saint may outstrip us in knowledge. Our own comfort is also increased by our working for others. We endeavour to cheer them, and the consolation gladdens our own heart. Like the two men in the snow; one chafed the other's limbs to keep him from dying, and in so doing kept his own blood in circulation, and saved his own life. The poor widow of Sarepta gave from her scanty store a supply for the prophet's wants, and from that day she never again knew what want was. Give then, and it shall be given unto you, good measure, pressed down, and running over."-Charles Spuregon

2 Corinthians says:

He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly. He who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each must do as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion. God loves a cheerful giver. God is ABLE to make all grace about to you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed........ He who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will supply and multiply your seed for sowing and increase the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in everything for all liberality (generosity), which through us is producing thanksgiving to God. For the ministry of this service is not only for fully supplying the needs of the saints but also overflowing through many thanksgivings to God. Because of the proof given by this ministry, they will glorify God for your obendience to the saints, your confession of the gospel of Christ and for the liberality (generosity) of your contribution to them all, while they also, by prayer on your behalf, yearn for you because of the surpassing GRACE of God in you. Thanks be to GOD for His INDESCRIBABLE gift. (2 Cor 9:6-15)

And it must also be said as the Lord declared to Zerubbabel in Zechariah 4:6-7:

"Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit," says the Lord of hosts. "What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of 'Grace, grace to it!'"

The Best Thing at 5:30AM

2009-07-31T05:53:00.000-07:00

This weekend my rooommate and I are housing all of the high school girls attending a local festival for the weekend. I went to bed before they all came back last night because I still have to work this morning so I missed out on seeing who we're housing, hellos and hugs.

Anyway, so as not to wake any of the girls up, I put the coffee pot in my bathroom last night because when the timer goes off it beeps SUPER loud (great idea from the creative roomie). However, I still had to get a mug and coffee creamer from the kitchen. So, I tiptoed out as quietly as any creaky 23 year old can (which for me in the early morning means "snap crackle pop" of most of my joints in the lower half of me... is this normal???) and got my coffee, creamer and spoon. As I turned around to head back to my room one of the high school girls briefly woke up, hair all over her face, put her arm out to wave and I think hug soI got down on the ground and gave her a big hug. :)

I felt like the Grinch when his heart grew bigger than the thingie in the cartoon that was used to compare his once itsy bitsy heart to a "normal healthy" sized heart. That was about the best thing that I can say has ever happened to me at 5:30 in the morning.

Lately, I have been realizing that serving the Lord in ministry is a full time thing. It's not like I go help out with the high schoolers on a Friday night or Sunday morning and when I'm done punch out and totally check out for the rest of my week. I am invested in these students (mainly the girls') lives and it's something that requires round the clock prayer and just overall willingness to be there for them.

When I look at the ministry from a distance, it is so easy for me to become overwhelmed and ask myself why in the heck I would do any of what I do when I could be doing so many other things? Especially when I have had a long week and am just drained with nothing left to offer anyone. But, I'm always so gently put in my place by God. When Saturdays come around I am always so blessed by the students, their love for each other and just being able to share life with them each Friday night.

Fridays are often like this prior to youth group: like I look ahead and see what's coming and start freaking out like I'm going to be hit by an avalanche and there is no possible way I can bear it or escape it. All I can do is look at this enormous mass headed straight my way. But I still go because I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the ministry God has hand selected for me... or me for it.... And when I walk away EVERY Friday night from the ministry I see that as the "avalanche" got closer, it was actually a cool spring of water washing over me and rinsing away junk of the week, clearing the gunk out of my eyes to see the high schoolers much better and refreshing me for the weekend. So I get pretty humbled out because of the condition my silly heart is usually in by the time I get home on Fridays.

Even still, pretty much like clock work every couple weeks I experience somewhat of the same thing. And it's because I'm human. As a human, I love myself more than anyone else and am super selfish and self centered and would love to do everything my little heart desires and say "it's because I can". Yet, I have been called away from all of that and have died to it because I have been baptised into the DEATH and RESURRECTION of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

So DAILY I must "take up my cross, deny myself and follow after Jesus" (Luke 9:23). And DAILY sometimes frequently throughout the day I MUST REMEMBER the promise Jesus gave: that there is no one who has left everything and sacrifcied it all for the sake of the kingdom of God who will not receieve many times more at this time and in the age to come, ETERNAL LIFE. (Luke 18:29-30).

I told myself after getting back from Belize that I was going to take a weekend all for myself because this festival was going on and it didn't require me. Then I found out my roommate and I were asked to house the girls. Merely because it's a convenient blessing for the girls to stay because we live so close to the festival. Not to mention, the high school pastor is my neighbor and he is housing the boys. So, they can all meet up together, have breakfast and walk to the festival as one big group. They are getting some AMAZING bonding time in. PLUS, what a way to end the summer!

Well, I have an amazing roommate who was in youth ministry as a counselor for almost 10 years a little while back and she is wired for hospitality. Thus, my role in this entire weekend is pretty much zero minus hanging out with the girls and enjoying their company when they are here. So my role is pretty much negative. Haha.

God's so gracious is all I can say. He sees my often stubborn and stoney heart and gives me something like this 5:30 AM hug from one of the high schooler, even though she is barely awake (a girl, who in Belize had the HARDEST time waking up) and He melts me. I am reminded how BLESSED I am to be in the ministry. How AMAZING it is that God would take a wretched sinner like myself, save me by HIS grace, change my life and restore me so that I am able to be USED by Him to influence these young girls in a godly way! How UNDESERVING I am that He would allow me to parttake of the JOY this ministry really is: being invited into these young girls' lives at a time when they are making life shaping decisions. My heart is SO for them when I push past my stinky self. They are my very heart beat when I realize that my life is NOT ABOUT ME, but it's about serving others.

And the truth remains: Whoever seeks to keep his life willl lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it. Luke 17:33.

What a wake up call this morning.

A Long Long Time Ago

2009-07-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a looooooooong time. What can I say? Life gets busy and things just take a back seat.

I just recently got back from a missions trip with the high schoolers to Belize in Central America. It was a surely sweet trip and the Lord worked in me some precious things and valuable lessons. I feel a little taller from being pretty stretched but nothing wrong with that :) seeing as I am already a couple steps away from 6 feet. Haha.

In all seriousness, there is SO much more I will share at a later date but for now this is a teaser. The main thing I am learning right now is Luke 18:28-30: SACRIFICE. A life of serving Jesus is a life of daily taking up my cross, denying myself (which at times is louder than imaginable) and allowing HIS agenda to take precedence. It's not an easy thing but as the Lord Himself said in Luke, it is MORE THAN WORTH the sacrifice for now AND for the age to come, eternal life.

One of the main things I learned as a leader on the mission's trip was how a mother often feels: guilty for using godly insight and executing sound judgement when it may go against popular opinion. For those of you who don't understand, no worries. I am sure many can or will share in this struggle. As I shared my experience from top to bottom with my mom, she said, "You cannot be responsible for people and win a popularity contest."

So much more to follow.

Be blessed as you REMEMBER God's favor upon your life due to HIS work, and not your own.

Blessings and love!

Jesus Jesus Jesus... I Love You More and More

2009-06-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

God is SO good.
Everyday.
All the time.
Every minute.
While I sleep.
While I cry.
While I laugh.
While I play.
While I doubt.
His glory fills the earth.
Go read Psalm 118.
Praise the Lord, Oh my soul and ALL that is within me.

Expectations and a Look Into My Thought Patterns

2009-06-11T12:30:00.001-07:00

Recently, I think God is teaching me how to let go while still remaining connected in a sense to certain things. I understand that is most likely too vague for anyone to stick with this train of thought, but whatever, you can stop reading at any time :)

Just thinking about how disappointments may be easily linked to unmet expectations. I'm often guilty of expecting things to happen a certain way in my life with people, circumstances, my walk with Jesus, you name it. So I wanted to look up what it means to "expect".

http://www.dictionary.com/ defines "Expect" as follows:
1. to look forward to; regard as likely to happen; anticipate the occurrence or the coming of: I expect to read it. I expect him later. She expects that they will come.
2. to look for with reason or justification: We expect obedience.
3. Informal. to suppose or surmise; guess: I expect that you are tired from the trip.

In light of those definitions, it's hard for me to consider many (please note I am not stating "all") expectations as anything other than presumptuous and unrealistic. And merely because none of us know what the future holds. Maybe we don't even realize we have had unrealistic expectations until we have been disappointed with the way something has turned out. At least that is the way it's been for me. I'll be honest, it's humbling realizing expectations I've had have been so wrongly placed and there is no one to blame but "self". And yet, we are all human. And it is such a "human" thing to do.

Don't you hope the things you expect will be fulfilled? We all do, it's normal.

The conclusion to my thought process on this one is: it's good to know that all hope placed upon Jesus will never leave me disappointed. In this I rejoice.

On His Heart and Upon His Shoulders

2009-06-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

I love the old testament. The Lord has always used it to speak to me in such special ways.

Recently I've been moving through Exodus at the pace of an injured snail and the Lord showed me a sweet parallel in chapter 28.

Part of the garments of a priest consisted of a breastplate and an ephod (plus many other things but for the sake of this blog entry and what God showed me I will limit this to these two items).

Upon the breastplate and shoulders of the Ephod, the priest was to have 12 precious stones on it according to the 12 tribes of Isreal (God's chosen people).

Jesus is OUR High Priest and these laws from the Old Testament were a mere shadow of Jesus' more perfect ministry under the NEW covenant which is by grace through faith in Him.

***Jesus, as our High Priest, has us AT ALL TIMES upon His heart and desires us to place all we have upon His shoulders***

Hebrews tells us that Jesus even lives to make intercession for us at all times. What a concept! The God of all things, Creator of the universe, AT ALL TIMES has me upon His mind and desires that I shift all weight upon His shoulders! He wants to take the load off! For you too! Wowza. Put that one in your mouth and chew on it for a while. Be blessed.

Happiness

2009-05-31T21:54:00.000-07:00

By Isaac Slade/The Fray

Happiness is just outside my window
Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?
Or is happiness a little more like knocking
On your door, and you just let it in?

Happiness feels a lot like sorrow
Let it be, you can’t make it come or go
But you are gone- not for good but for now
Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good

Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard
Happiness was never mine to hold
Careful child, light the fuse and get away
‘Cause happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness damn near destroys you
Breaks your faith to pieces on the floor
So you tell yourself, that’s enough for now
Happiness has a violent roar

Happiness is like the old man told me
Look for it, but you’ll never find it all
But let it go, live your life and leave it
Then one day, wake up and she’ll be home
Home, home, home

Q-TIP

2009-05-27T22:57:00.000-07:00

So I am learning to Q-TIP
Quit
Taking
It
Personal

and that's all I have to say about that.
Not everything is about me :)

Take

2009-05-14T06:27:00.000-07:00

Lord take this heart so fragile and easily swept away by the cares of this world
And cradle it in the palm of Your hand

Lord take these thoughts which rebel against Your way
And enlarge in my mind that which is true, noble, praiseworthy

Lord take this life so brief
And use it for Your glory, Your purposes

Lord take this pain
And turn it into something worthwhile

Lord take my hand
And lead me through the midst of this confusion

Lord take my dreams
And impart to me a desire to do Your will alone

Lord take my selfishness
And lovingly remind me that this is all for You

Lord take my shortsightedness
And open up my eyes to what I cannot see

Lord take these tears
And put them in Your bottle

Lord take my emptiness
And fill it with Your presence

Lord take my brokenness
And mend me back together stronger than before

Jesus, take all of me
And shelter me in the shadow of Your wings

Mended

2009-05-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

You repair all that we have torn apart
And You unveil a new beginning in our hearts
And we stand grateful for all that we have left behind
And all that goes before us

You've got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
'Cause Your love is perfect
You are our Healer
And You know what's broken
And we're not a mystery to You
(to You, oh Lord, to You)

We will dance 'cause You restore the wasted years
And You will sing over all our coming fears
And we'll stand grateful for all that has been left behind
And all that goes before us

You've got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
'Cause Your love is perfect
You are our Healer
And You know what's broken
And we're not a mystery to You

And Lord You mend the breech
And You break every fetter
And You give us Your best but what we thought was better
And You are to be praised
You are to praised

You've got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
'Cause Your love is perfect
You are our Healer
And You know what's broken
And we're not a mystery to You
(to You, oh Lord, to You. Mender of the broken)
~Watermark